


Tungsten Carbide

by AweburnPhoenix



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love, Mild Smut, Post-Movie: The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008), Pre-X-Files Revival, The Unremarkable House (X-Files), Wedding Rings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-06-09 22:44:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15277788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AweburnPhoenix/pseuds/AweburnPhoenix
Summary: This is my cannon-compliant head-cannon take of Mulder & Scully's relationship from IWTB to MSIV with some flashbacks from before too.





	1. Midnight Special

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> It was going to be just a little something to test my non-English-native fan-fiction writing skills... But after a @JennXPhile poll and conversations about MS marriage, I felt like turning it into a multi-chaptered story. I had so many ideas popping up in my mind!! So let's see where this goes :P
> 
> Huge thanks to @AATTHS_TWICE @admiralty @RoseThornhill & @rainknight @AsterBerenboss for your beta reading and encouragement :D

(early November 2010)

 

"Hey you," Mulder heard from behind, and he automatically knew time had slipped from him again. Sitting in his office in the unremarkable house, he lifted his head and stretched his neck, realizing only then that it was quite stiff from looking down for too long.

He turned around in his chair to find a worried Scully, arms crossed, leaning on the doorpost. She had that troubled look in her eyes.  _ Was it really that late? _ , Mulder wondered, looking around trying to find a clock. Then he remembered he didn’t have one, and that was why she usually had to call him about dinner or to come to bed. He too often lost track of time while he was checking and rechecking his files to try and stop the end of the world. He still had a couple of years until the definitive alien invasion hit them, and he had promised her he would take it easy. But it was difficult to do so on the days he got a strong lead, days like today. As soon as he got that piece of news, he’d been completely distracted… Had they had dinner already?

It was too easy to find himself immersed in that endless search. That was why he had made her a promise not to go back there. Not to let the darkness consume him. One look at the marvellous lady at the door was all he needed to forget about the invasion, and the aliens, and any piece of crap he might be distracted by. He would prefer to be staring at her 24/7. Why couldn't she always be there? Well, yes, they needed the money she made. And she loved her job at the hospital.

He had just got her back a couple years ago, after that case the FBI had needed him so badly for. They finally dropped the charges against him and he could walk around freely again. Not that it had come without a cost.

It had almost broken their relationship permanently. They had been walking on thin ice for a while, her trying to get back to a normal life, him being unable to. Had the FBI not needed him, Mulder was sure Scully was going to leave him sooner rather than later. But they had managed to run past that rough patch and he had promised to stay out of the darkness. It was the only way she would stay. If he went back to his old obsessiveness, she would leave. And without a warning next time.

As much as it hurt him, he understood. She needed to take care of herself, too. She was already pushing herself, just staying in that lost-in-the-middle-of-nowhere house of theirs. Going back and forth to work was quite a long drive, but nowadays she made the effort to come home everyday instead of staying at her mother’s or the hospital. She really deserved his attention.

Mulder took a quick glance at all the paperwork on the messy desk. That information about the sightings was too good to be ignored. He had tried not to open it, but his curiosity finally pushed him in the wrong direction and, without even noticing it, he was crawling back into a mud puddle again. He just couldn't escape it. The spiral was too attractive. And the end of the world was still there, the bomb-clock ticking in the distance, waiting for him to dismantle it. Why was he the only one who could do it? Why couldn't anybody else take that job? He wished he could forget about it and just be the man Scully wanted him to be. But he didn't want to die. He didn't want Scully to die. Someone had to stop the end of the world. And he seemed to be the only one trying.

"C'mon, Mulder. It's past midnight," her words got him out of his head. She stretched out a hand for him. "Let's go to bed."

One look back at her and he managed to forget all about that mess. She was there, she was with him, and that was the only thing that he really cared about. He couldn't neglect her. She was his light in the dark. No matter how engrossed he was in his tribulations, whenever she appeared, she made his worries go away.

"Come here.” He reached out for her hand and pulled her towards him, sitting her in his lap. He kissed her lightly on her lips and smiled. " _ Let the midnight special, shine her light on me. Let the midnight special…, _ " Mulder hummed.

"... _ shine her ever loving light on me, _ " she sang back with a smile, blushing slightly. 

Thank goodness, she wasn't mad at him. Every time she showed up in his room he was afraid it would be the last time. 

"I'm the luckiest man alive to have you shine your light in my darkness," he whispered nuzzling his nose in her neck. "I'm so sorry, I lost track of time."

"Again," she said, though not with resentment. He just noticed a hint of worry.

"I gotta get a clock. Let's go shopping tomorrow, shall we?" he offered. It had been a couple days since he had left the house. It would do him good to get some fresh air.

"Mulder, I got you one last week, remember?" she declared, raising an eyebrow.

His mind rushed through his memories. What clock? Where had he placed it? Then it came to him. The fair. The air gun stand at the fun-fair. She had challenged him and she had won the  _ Toy Story _ alien clock. Looking around his desk, he noticed a bump on the right side. Picking up some papers, he found the three-eyed green martian with the numbers in its belly.

"We were playing hide and seek. I guess he won," Mulder joked, showing her his puppy eyes and that smile that he knew she couldn't resist.

"It's very difficult to stay angry at you, you know that, right?" she said, grabbing the toy from his hand and placing it in front of the computer, turning off the screen. "Can we go to sleep now?"

"Marry me," he suddenly blurted.

It came out of nowhere, even though he had been giving it a thought more often lately. And though he hadn't planned on telling her yet, somehow, watching her looking at him with such beauty and love made him blurt it out.

Of course, she made that funny face, eyebrow up to the sky, she always did when he asked her. He had joked about it a lot. But this time, he was completely serious.

"I know what you think about us getting married, but I really want to do it. I wanna give you something normal. And I really want to spend the rest of my days with you."

He couldn't really remember how many times he had asked her about marrying him. Some of them even before they had been together. It just felt obvious. He loved her. Probably since the exact first second he had met her. Well, maybe not the first, he really thought she was sent to spy on him. It was probably when she trusted him enough to undress in front of him so that he could check her back…

"Mulder…" she interrupted his digression with a frown.

"Don't  _ Mulder _ me. I'm being completely serious now." He sat up in the chair beneath her, and reached for a drawer in the cabinet on his left. "No darkness. No obsessions. I want you. Just you."

"Mulder, 2012 is just around the corner, and you can't even take your nose from that computer to check the time nowadays. What's gonna happen when the time approaches?"

Mulder took a little box from the drawer and held it on his hands.

"I am not perfect. I know I don't deserve you. And there are going to be hard times. But I wanna make the effort. For you."

He stopped his speech to open the little box. Two greyish rings with a wavy blue line carved across the center. Deep blue like her eyes. That was why he had chosen them, some months back, one afternoon he was wandering around town while he waited for her to finish a meeting. His sight was stuck on that pair of rings on a window display.

“Silver?” she couldn’t help but ask.

“Tungsten carbide, actually." He was impressed when the jeweler told him about that material. Apparently it was a really hard element, but prone to brittle if struck hard. Mulder couldn't get another ring when he knew that. It was like the perfect metaphor for them. 

"Strong but brittle," Scully mentioned, running a finger on the edge of the ring. Of course she would know about it.

"I thought it really suited us," he smiled back at her. "I want to formally promise to always choose you. This will make sure I remember. Each and every day I’ll see you and I’ll see this, and I will remember you are the best thing that has ever happened to me," he said, sliding the slightly bigger band around his ring finger. "We don't have to make a big scene about it, I know you wouldn't want that; I'm not asking you about that. I just want to be your man for as long as you let me, firmly, from this moment on.”

He felt the hesitation in her. Pushing her wouldn't help, but he needed to make his point. He was ready.

“I know it’s stupid, but just wearing this makes me feel powerful," he said, looking at the shiny band on his finger. “It's like a reminder that I am part of something bigger than myself, something I can build with you, a promise to myself and to you I don't want to ever break. I'm gonna wear it as long as you honour me with your presence. You can do whatever you want with yours," he finished, placing the other ring at her open palm and closing her hand around it while planting a sweet kiss on her forehead.

He realised the last part was a bit harsh, but he was really tired of always asking her and always being treated like he was joking. He loved her, so much. And she knew it. Why couldn't she take him seriously?

"You know I can't take it into the operating room, right?" she opened her hand looking at her band. "I won't be able to wear it most of the time."

"Whenever you can will be enough. I know you don't need it. It's your dumbshit  _ boyfriend _ who apparently needs to be reminded that he loves you," he made a dumb funny face.

"I think you just got upgraded to fiancé," she smiled, putting the ring around her finger.

"You won't regret it, I promise." He gave her the biggest smile he had in awhile. "I'll make you the happiest woman." He pulled her gently towards him and kissed her passionately as he leaned back in the chair, taking her with him.

  
  
  
  



	2. Sit right down and cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving at Maggie's. Bill and the family are there too. You know what to expect.

(late November 2010)

 

This was the first Thanksgiving that Mulder was enjoying in a long time. Thanksgivings back at the Vineyard were horrible dinners after Samantha was taken. And when his parents divorced, they started being just normal dinners, usually at his mother's. Only when he met The Gunmen the festivity reappeared on his calendar. But it was mostly a date on which they would hang out, share some beers, watch some baseball or play videogames. Langly almost persuaded them one year to try a game of D&D, but they finally decided they were too old for roleplay. At least that kind of roleplay. The conversation got weird quickly and they went back to the computer shooting games.

Sometimes the Gunmen made fun of Mulder because they managed to get more kills than he did.

"You are supposed to be a good shot," Langly would say.

"That's Miss Scully, you fool," Frohike would correct him with a goofy smile.

And Mulder would excuse himself telling them that real-life shooting had nothing to do with what they were doing on the screen.

 

This year, however, Mulder finally felt like he was part of a family again. Scully had insisted on him going to the family gathering the year before. But he was a bit concerned about meeting Bill and he had stayed at home. But 2010 seemed so good to him. He was feeling so much better, he was such a different person, he no longer felt like a loser all the time. He had even put a ring on Bill's sister's finger, even if it was just a symbolic thing for now, but he hoped the man would take it as him finally being the decent man his sister deserved. At least he was starting to feel so.

Dinner went particularly well. No quarrels and only some weird looks that Mulder tried to ignore. Somehow, Mulder ended up sitting between Matthew and Marcie, Bill and Tara’s oldest kids, and they were so nice to him. Marcie kept asking Scully about medical things, apparently wanting to study medicine in the future. And Mulder was amazed at the girl being completely engrossed with her aunt's details. Matthew was a really well-mannered young man, almost thirteen, who liked talking profusely about baseball and  sports. The kid was in the school's team and was so proud of being the best player.

Talking to him, Mulder felt a little sad. He daydreamed a lot about playing catch with his own kid, the one he would probably never see again. He did his best to put those thoughts away. Today was not about sadness and what ifs. It was about being thankful for what he did have: a wonderful woman and her wonderful family who, for the most part, accepted him so well.

"Mr Mulder, you want more potato?" a little girl's voice in front of him caught his attention.

Jane, the family's youngest daughter _—_ she was around five _—_ was offering him a potato stabbed on a cooking fork. Apparently she was making sure everybody kept eating.

"Thank you young lady," he quickly answered offering his empty plate so she could place the food on it, the girl instantly smiling so wide at him accepting her offer. "And you can call me Mulder, ok?"

Only Bill kept calling him "Mr Mulder", and he wouldn't dare to tell him otherwise.

"Fox, do you want some more turkey to go with that?," Margaret offered him the tray from the other side of the table.

Mulder smiled at her calling him that. She was the only person who could manage that feat. She had called him that from the beginning and somehow it didn't annoy him. She really was a special woman.

"No, thank you Mrs Scully, this will be enough," he politely answered placing a hand on his full belly. He was even wondering if he would manage to eat the piece the girl had offered him. He was already full to the top.

 

Once they finished eating, everybody, except Bill, got up to clean up the table. Mulder started helping too, but Mrs Scully stopped him on his feet and pushed him out of the kitchen. He really liked helping out, especially if the alternative was sitting across the grumpy brother of his woman, all by themselves. When he went back to the living room, he felt like he was entering an interrogation room. The worst examination he would ever have to endure. A hundred times worse than when he had been tried for murder. When he entered the room, Bill was sitting on the sofa with a glass inn his hand. Mulder decided to slide into  the armchair in front of him.

"So, how's everything back in San Diego?" Mulder spoke first, trying to pick a subject before he was given the third degree. .

"It's alright. But we had to move to another house," he just answered.

Mulder already knew about it, but thought it would be a safe topic to bring up. Apparently having four kids and getting back from a special assignment in the east coast, Bill Scully had been awarded a bigger house after living in Maine for the previous five years. Scully had been able to visit him more in those last years, and Bill was happy about it. Just until 2008, when he discovered that she and Mulder had been together all along. She couldn’t tell him before, because Mulder had been a wanted man, and it had really pissed him off. He had been under the impression that his sister had finally gotten rid of the alien hunter, only to realise later that they were closer than ever. He wasn't very fond of the idea that they were in a relationship, and he didn't like talking about it or even acknowledging it.

They sat silently for some minutes before Bill finally dropped the bomb Mulder had been expecting since he set foot in the house.

"So, what are you doing these days for a living, Mr Mulder? Are you still chasing little green aliens and living on my sister's salary?" he asked in a quite angry and calm tone that infuriated Mulder even more than it should. The guy had really been planning this question all along.

Mulder kept calm. He had been planning his response too, deciding not to fall into his trap. He breathed deep and was about to deliver his thoughtful speech when the women's voices approached from behind him.

"…there's gonna be no more talk about it, Dana," the matriarch was saying  with a voice that offered no place for correction.

"Don't argue with your mother, _Dana_ ," Mulder used the same epithet he usually saved for kidding her. "You know she is usually right," he added turning a bit on his seat to face the women.

"See? I've always liked this man," Margaret praised him placing her hands on his shoulders. "He's so full of good sense."

Mulder looked at Scully with such content on his face. He was going to repeat those words to her so many times. Scully only returned him her classic blank eyes knowing too well he was going to do so.

"What was it about, anyhow?" Mulder asked.

He was so happy to have that woman in his corner. He couldn't believe he was so lucky. After so many years and what he had made her family endure, Margaret Scully was still such a fan of his.

"I was telling Dana that you two should stay for the night. It's late, you've had your fair amount to  drink, though I've noticed you've been conservative," she added with an appreciation nod. "I wouldn't be able to fall asleep until I knew you are home safely."

Mulder glanced at Scully. Her mother was right, as usual, she was the voice of reason. But he had to agree with her daughter that it might not be the best idea. The house was already packed with three adults and four kids, and he couldn't make heads or tails about where she was planning for them to sleep. There were no more rooms available.

"That's so nice of you, really," Mulder placed his right hand on top of hers on his shoulder. "But we wouldn't want to be a bother, it's just an hour drive. We've had our fair amount of nighttime trips, we are such experts," he added with a smile.

"We are so crowded already, mom. I don't think it is such a good idea either," Bill quickly jumped in.

Mulder was so amused at the fact that even though it was for a slightly different reason, they both were agreeing on something for the first time.

"That's nonsense. They can have the convertible sofa, and that would be no bother for anybody," she answered staring directly at his son. "If that's ok with you, Fox. It's not the most comfortable bed, but I think it will do for one night."

Mulder chuckled. Sleeping on a couch was his specialty too. He had been doing that for years before Scully. And even after they had settled down he had slept at the living room more days than he should have. So many days he had been caught up in his research that he hadn't wanted to risk waking Scully up, so he slept on the couch. Not lately, though. He was being more careful and in control of himself these days.

"I'm sure it will be more comfortable than many of the places I've slept in. And if it makes her sleep better…" He glanced at Scully waiting for her approval. He would do anything for that mother he had wished he had, but Scully would always have the last word.

"Ok, we'll stay," Scully raised her arms surrendering to the pressure.

Mulder could then see Bill's discontent out of the corner of his eye. Defeated, he got up from the couch he was sitting on and started making room to open it. Mulder followed quickly to help. He wouldn't want the man to hurt himself on his account. There was no need to give him another reason to hate him.

 

Soon enough Mulder was getting under the covers on the right side of the bed, waiting for Scully to be back from the bathroom after preparing herself for sleep. Her mother had lent her one of her nightshirts and Mulder was so eager to see her wear it. He had assured Mrs Scully he had sleeping clothes as he ran out to the car to get his basketball bag. He usually carried that in the trunk, even though he didn't use it as much as he liked to. But it had come in handy today.

He just put on the shirt of his sport's outfit and left the shorts and the rest of his clothes on the armchair. He usually slept in his underparts anyway. As long as he didn't stumble into anybody before morning it would be ok. And he had no intention of leaving the living room in the middle of the night.

"Holy moly, aren't you the sexiest 60-year-old woman I have ever seen?" he sat up in  the bed when he heard steps coming into the room. Scully was wearing an adorable floral granny nightshirt, with ruffles around the neckline and bustline. "Is this what you are going to wear in 30 years time? I like it already," he grinned.

"Shut up, Mulder," Scully told him off while throwing the shirt she had been wearing all day at his face. She moved towards the armchair and left the rest of her clothes next to his.

"No need to get aggressive," he loosened up offering her shirt back. "Hurry up, come 'ere," he added lifting the bedding inviting her in. "I've been missing you all day, I want you close."

She quickly went away to turn off the lights and went back, walking in the shadows. She knew that place by heart. Mulder moved to the center of the bed and wrapped Scully with the sheets and his left arm as soon as she slid into them. He spooned her tightly as he had been wanting to do since they left home that afternoon and kissed her neck. Then again. Before he could even realise it, his hand had moved down the covers and was running smoothly up her calf, sneaking under the hem of the nightshirt.

"Mulder." She admonished him stopping his hand halfway up. "I can't believe this clothing is turning you on," she spun around to face him.

"You turn me on whatever you wear, do, or say. You should know that by now," he added nuzzling her forehead with his nose. He felt the need to kiss her so badly, but wasn't really sure he could control himself beyond that point.

"Yo do understand I can't get nasty under my mother's roof, right? I can't begin to imagine what if the kids ran into us doing the naked pretzel. Or Bill," she smiled for a moment entertaining the idea.

"Well, I can. He'd die of a heart attack and then his ghost would haunt me to the end of time," he chuckled. "If ghosts existed," he added quickly winking at her.

"If ghosts existed," she repeated with a pleased smile.

They lay like that for a couple seconds, looking at each other under the ethereal moonlight coming in from the window. He could see it in her eyes that some part of her was really craving getting nasty, but he wouldn't push her.

"Let's just sleep, ok?" she finally said turning around again and snuggling closer against his chest. "I'll reward you tomorrow when we get home."

"I must have behaved so well," he smiled and kissed her hair while closing his eyes and dozing off sooner than he had imagined.

 

When he woke up, he was lying on his left side and Scully was cuddling him. It happened on a daily basis. No matter how they fell asleep, or how many moves and turns they made in their sleep. Whenever they woke up they were holding each other. They didn't really need a king size bed, they always slept so close together.

Mulder felt Scully's peaceful breathing at his back, heard the silence in the house and decided he could sleep in a little more. He was prepared to go off to the land of nod again when he heard an unexpected noise. His eyebrows wrinkled and he kept listening. After a couple seconds he heard the sound again and, opening his eyes, he saw Luke, Bill's younger boy, reading on  the armchair, completely oblivious.

Mulder stared at him for a while. He had a soft spot in his heart for that kid. He was quite shy, but he got along so well with him. He was a year younger than William would be, so Mulder would always be a little too fond of him. The kid was so focused on whatever it was he was reading that he didn't notice Mulder silently getting out of the bed and approaching him.

"Hey, kid, what are you doing here?" he whispered with a smile, sitting at the foot of the bed in front of him.

"Did I wake you? Sorry Mulder," the kid apologized closing the book. "I always wake up early. Matthew told me to shut up or leave the his bedroom, and I couldn't find another place to read. But I can go sit at the stairs if I'm bothering you."

Mulder understandingly shook his head no and then nodded to his left while he got up. They both left the room on tiptoes. Two steps out Mulder realised he wasn't wearing any pants, so he went back and put on his jeans before joining Luke in the kitchen.

"So you are an early bird, Luke?" Mulder made conversation closing the door behind him so that they wouldn't wake the family.

"I just don't like sleeping too much. There are so many things to do I don't want to waste my time sleeping.

The kid was really an old soul. Just eight years old but he had the insight of a much older person.

"What do you say we go get some doughnuts? Give the family a surprise breakfast."

"That would be nice!" the boy smiled leaving the book on the kitchen counter, where Mulder could finally take a look at it. _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_. He chuckled, surprised at knowing Bill would let his son read wizards and witches books.

 

Finding a doughnuts place was easy, Mulder and Scully had a favourite place not too far from Margaret's house and he headed there quickly. It was not a long walk, but Mulder took the car so as not to crush the pastries on their way back.

Half an hour later they were driving back, a package with a dozen doughnuts on Luke's lap. The kid had chosen most of them: Blueberry for his mother, a combination of Chocolate and strawberry-frosted for his siblings, apple-crumb for his father and chocolate-glazed for himself. Mulder felt all adventurous and got a coconut donut for himself, wondering if he would be regretting it later, and a chocolate-filled for Scully. She was again on a healthy eating habit, but he knew she loved those, and would surely love having one that morning.

As soon as he parked the car in front of Margaret's house, Mulder took the package from the kid and they hurried inside, looking forward to see the everybody’s surprise faces. But he was the one to be surprised.

"Mulder, where were you?" Scully came to him with a worried face as he closed the door behind him.

"We went for…"

"Where have you taken my child!?" Bill roared. "Are you ok, Luke?" he kneeled and inspected the child for injures that wouldn't be there.

"Yes, dad, we just went to get some doughnuts…"

Bill got up quickly and faced Mulder closer than he had ever done.

"Don't you ever take my child with you without my consent! Ever!!"

Mulder looked at Scully with an inquiring look. He didn't understand all the fuss. They were only gone for half an hour.

"And, Luke, what have I told you about riding with strangers? You are grounded for a month!" Bill roared at the teenager and started pushing him upstairs.

"But, dad, Mulder is not a stranger, he is aunt Dana's husband and…"

"Dana's what? Why would you say that?" Bill lowered his voice and stopped at the first step of the stairs.

"Well, they are wearing matching rings, and they sleep so close together, like you and mum used to do…" the kid delivered making it would have been too obvious to miss.

Bill turned around and looked alternately to Mulder and Scully's hands. Apparently he hadn't noticed the rings. He walked down the step and faced his sister, calmly but clearly angry.

"Did you get married and didn't deign to even tell us? Because you knew I wouldn't approve?"

"I don't need your approval, Bill. And we haven't got married," she calmly explained. "Yet."

Mulder liked how she had said that last word. They hadn't talked about it for a while, he didn't want to push it, and was waiting for her to bring the discussion up again. He realised it would probably come up later that day.

"So, this is an engagement ring?", Bill said picking her hand and studying the piece of jewelry. "What kind of lousy ring is this, Mr Mulder? You can't afford anything better than a piece of shabby metal?"

"Bill, let them be, you don't know…" Margaret started interceding but she was quickly cut.

"Kids, will you go play outside for a while?" Scully said with a soft voice. "We'll have the doughnuts in a moment, ok? Mulder, take the package to the kitchen, will you? I wanna talk to you," she finally addressed Bill, changing her tone to a much serious one. "Alone," she added heading into the dining room.

Everybody left the entryway, heading for the kitchen, in the blink of an eye. The kids ran pass it and out to the garden. Nobody would dare to ignore Dana Scully's orders. Mulder left the package on the counter, sat all worn-out on a kitchen stool and rubbed his eyes. He had tried to be a nice uncle, to do something nice for the family in return for their kindness and it all had turned out the wrong way. It seemed like he couldn't stay out of trouble. Scully was going to have another argument with his brother because of him.

"Don't worry, they'll patch it up. They've been quarrelling like this since they were kids. It's not your fault," Maggie came closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

She squeezed him lightly before joining Tara in preparing coffee and setting some cups and dishes on the table.

That made him feel slightly better, but he couldn't take Bill's words out of his head: deep down he was right. He had been quite lousy. He hadn’t gone down on one knee. He hadn't asked over a nice dinner out. He hadn’t got her some nice diamond for her to show off. He wasn’t planning a nice wedding (or even any kind of wedding, for that matter). Suddenly he felt tense. If she realised that, she would leave him. He felt like he had given her the ring of fear, to keep her on leash, to mark her as his. But it was not like that. It had never been. Why was he feeling like that? He hated how Bill made him feel, he always hit the weakest spot in his mind.

"I need some air," he finally said and rushed outside, leaving the two women making breakfast ready.

Mulder sat on the stairs and blankly stared at the four kids playing with a baseball. A couple minutes went on until he started to calm down. An old Elvis song invaded his mind. _If you ever say good goodbye, I'm gonna sit right down and cry over you._ He kept singing it to lighten his mood.

"Hey Fox," he heard Maggie's voice behind him. "Mind if I sit?" she calmly uttered standing by him.

"Of course, Mrs Scully, it's your home," he moved closer to the handrail to let her some more space.

"I think it's high time you called me Maggie, don't you think?" she chuckled while lowering down with some difficulty.

"Sorry, force of habit," he smiled at her.

Mulder realised that she looked very much like when he had first met her more than fifteen years ago, but she was older. Maybe he should help her or something… But while he thought about it, she was already by his side. She was a really tough woman. She was clearly the reason why Scully was so fierce and driven.

"Thank you," she finally said out of nowhere, grabbing his left hand and holding it strongly, his ring sinking between their fingers.

He definitely was the luckiest man alive. He had the best woman by his side. And surely the best mother-in-law he could ever dream of.

"Why…?" he started asking, but she wouldn't let him continue.

"You make her happy, that's all I could ask for. She doesn't talk much to me. She is so independent. I'm so happy the way we raised her she has become a really strong woman. But even those need a good man by their side."

So he was a good man. After all the shit he kept bringing to the family, she still regarded him as a good man. He really was the lucky one.

 

Maggie had been right. Five minutes later, brother and sister showed their faces in the kitchen and apparently everything was good with the world again. The whole family ate their doughnuts together without any further argument and later on Mulder and Scully finally left the place, promising to be back for lunch on Sunday.

"What did you say to him?" Mulder couldn't wait to ask, as soon as they got into the car.

"That's between him and me. Don't worry about it."

He didn't want to worry, but he needed to know. It was eating him away.

"He was right, though. They are a bit lousy…" he confessed his deepest fear, raising his left hand from the steering wheel and looking at his ring.

"Not in the least. They are cute. They are us. I wouldn't have said yes to a lousy man. I have some quality requirements, you know?" she chuckled.

"Does that mean I pass the test for good husband material?" Mulder looked at her out of the corner of his eye, not wanting to take his sight from the road.

"Always," she quickly declared placing her hand around his on the steering wheel.

He knew she was smiling. Yes, he was a good man.

_I'm gonna love you more and more every day._

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is highly appreciated :-)


	3. My First, My Last, My Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another step forward into the marriage voyage and a walk on memory lane. Warnings for some "foul play" (I promise I kept it to a minimum ;-P and there's lots of MSR to make up for it).
> 
> Shout-out to my MARVELOUS betas for their encouragement and polishing of my crude English :-)

 (January 2011)

It was high time to get the thing done, so that morning Mulder got up with the firm decision not to wait another day. He would go to the Circuit Court to get the application for the marriage license. He hadn't told Scully, and he was a little anxious about it, because he needed to make sure there was no problem on his part before laying everything out for her.

That morning he tried to behave normally, had breakfast with her and headed to his desk to work on his book. He waited for half an hour after she left for work, just in case she forgot something and came back. He was checking the clock anxiously until finally he got dressed and headed out.

During the twenty minute drive to the Fairfax County Circuit Court, his mind wandered thirteen years back, to the Christmas of 1997.

 

Mulder could still picture it as if it was yesterday. He remembered being asleep on the sofa. It had been a hard week. He had been missing Scully so deeply. She had taken some days off to go with her mother to California to visit her brother. She was about to be an aunt, and was cheerful about it. Thus, he had decided not to disturb her, even though he had been thinking about her a lot, and felt like sharing with her so many things during those days.

That's why he had been instantly happy when he heard her voice on the other side of the line after a week had passed.

“Mulder, it's me,” she said as soon as he picked up the phone, her tone quite neutral.

“Hey Scully! How's everything in the _Hotel California_ ? _Such a lovely place_? Is your nephew out in the world already? How is your vacation going?” He was so restless he got up and started pacing his living room. He tried disguising his happiness at hearing her voice, but he guessed he wasn't doing too well.

Mulder finally managed to stop talking and noticed he had been the only one doing it for the whole _conversation_. Scully was weirdly silent.

“Scully, is everything alright?” he asked, sitting down and frowning worriedly.

No, he quickly understood something was wrong. They had made a pact, Scully had made him promise: no work calls, no aliens this Christmas. She wanted a real vacation this time. If she was calling him, something must have gone really wrong.

“Uhm, something's come up,” she just said, and his mind went wild.

Mulder stood silent and waited for her to elaborate. He didn't want to imagine anything terrible.

“I'm gonna need you to come here,” she finally added.

“Of course,” he quickly answered placing the phone between his cheek and shoulder and going to the bedroom to pack a bag.

“What happened? Are you ok?”

He sensed either she didn't want to talk about it on the phone, or it was something really serious that she couldn’t get out. Mulder guessed it had nothing to do with the baby; Bill wouldn't want him to be near anyway. Scully sounded really concerned, even soft, and on the verge of sobbing. He thought  she had been crying already. Could she be ill again? She had miraculously recovered and hadn't felt even slightly tired since she had checked out of the hospital.

She wasn't answering, and Mulder started getting really anxious.

“Are you sick, Scully?” He pushed her. He needed to know.

“No, no, I'm fine,” she finally sighed and let it all out at once. “There was an incident near here and I found a girl…”

Had she found an X-File? He had made her promise to stay away from weird things. Somehow she always managed to find a case whenever they were apart, and he was starting to think she attracted them somehow. Scully was like a magnet for strange things, even if she didn't believe them.

“… she's my daughter, Mulder. I had the tests repeated and there's no doubt about it.”

Mulder felt a dozen jokes coming to mind, but she seemed really concerned and he realized she was being serious, so he should just shut up.

“I don't know how to explain it yet. I guess it might be related to the fact that I can't have children. What they did to me. The experiments…”

He could sense her derailing as her train of thought started rushing. And he decided to stop her.

“It's ok, Scully. I'm catching the next plane, I'll probably be there tomorrow morning. We'll get to the bottom of this together.”

“I don't really care about that right now. I just need you to speak on my behalf at  an adoption hearing.”

That caught him off guard.

“She is sick, Mulder, and she needs to be taken care of. I need to take her out of the orphanage as soon as possible.” Scully sounded really worried.

“Ok. I can do that,” Mulder answered quickly, although he had his doubts about it, but he didn’t want to make her worry any more than she already was. “I'm gonna pack my bag and I'll be on my way. I'll call you when I get to the airport, okay? We are going to fix this.”

He put down the phone and collapsed on the couch. What the hell had happened? He suddenly felt really guilty. It must have been the ova they had taken from her. The fucking hybrid program. Once her health had declined he had completely forgotten about it, as he had more pressing matters to deal with. He had never told her about the ova. Why hadn't he? Why had he kept that from her? Those men really had no limits, they kept messing with her over and over again. He wanted to protect her, but he should know by now that he couldn't. His mess kept coming back for her.

When he first saw her with the child he realized Scully was already too invested. The kid was wearing her necklace and she looked at the little girl with such tenderness in her eyes. Mulder tried to keep the mood light, but she stared at the little girl with such worry in her eyes, so he took her for a walk outside to get the hard facts. She told him about the girl's parents, their deaths, the strange calls… How she had thought she was her sister's daughter and how she had already tried to adopt her.

“But now that I know she's mine… How can they keep her from me?” Scully was so angry and so sad.

“What are their reasons?” he finally asked her, sitting on a bench.

“Single woman, travelling a lot, dangerous job... I stand no chance,” she sounded so defeated and buried her face in her hands.

“Marry me.”

As soon as he said  the words, he realised the stupidity of it.

Scully lifted her head and gave him that look he knew so well and came to love so much. _You're bat crap crazy._

“I mean, if it gives you a higher chance, I wouldn't mind.” _I would do anything for you_ , he thought, but he wouldn’t say that, it seemed too much. “I wouldn't ask you to fulfill marital duties,” he added instead and managed to make her smile.

Mulder tried to sound like he was joking but, deep down, he was being completely serious. He was hoping it might turn that way somehow, someday. He knew that was not the way to get her to marry him, but he couldn't be more in love with the woman.

Getting married at that stage of their lives would have only made their relationship even more awkward than it already was. It would have complicated things and maybe even stand in the way of the possibility of a real relationship. But Mulder wouldn't let the opportunity to do something for her pass him by. If that helped her, he'd do it without even thinking about it.

“I mean, it's just a paper to sign, nobody needs to know what's behind it.”

Scully looked at him, entertaining the idea for a second.

“That's really sweet of you Mulder,” she said grabbing his hand. “But I couldn't burden you with such responsibility.”

If only she knew it was what he really wanted…

Thirteen years later, standing in front of the Circuit Court, Mulder kept thinking about the long route  they had taken from there, and how he was finally getting the woman to marry him. He was so proud of himself. It had taken him so many years, and so much suffering on her end . But he was definitely going to make up for all of it.

 

Mulder was really happy about the trip. Everything turned out just fine. He didn't need to do a lot of paperwork and was back home sooner than he expected. So he spent the rest of the afternoon preparing a nice dinner and getting the house clean. Scully would be so proud, and he really needed her to be in a good mood.

He had learned to cook lately, trying to be of more use in the house, and he was not that bad at it. It was only that he was a little too lazy to spend hours in the kitchen, preparing food, waiting for it to get ready and cleaning up after. He was messy. Thankfully the dishwasher did most of the work, but he still got overwhelmed sometimes by the need of cutlery and stuff.

For tonight he decided on some coconut curry chicken with vegetables. Scully would be happily surprised by the nice smell as soon as she got home. He delicately chopped the chicken, mushrooms, peppers and chards, added the coconut milk, the spices and let the mixture simmer. He had been right, the scent was already making him hungry. He let it sit and headed to the couch to catch up with a book while waiting for Scully to come home. He was getting anxious at the silence in the house, so he played an oldies hits radio station in the background.

 

“Wow, what's that delicious smell?” Mulder was caught unaware when Scully entered the room. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” She walked towards him and sat by his side on the couch, kissing him as if they had been apart for days.

He had missed that. The good old days. They were finally back to feeling like the early lovely days, when his head wasn't in his own butt and he had chilled out and enjoyed his time with her. Sometimes he missed their runaway days. They were on their own, some kind of an endless vacation. No responsibilities, no work, no worries. Just the two of them loving each other 24/7. But even he knew that couldn't last forever. This was as close as they would get to that. If only he could completely manage to forget about the end of the world…

“Can't a man try to do something nice for his woman?” Mulder tried to sidetrack her by kissing her neck, her hands… but she wouldn't be so easily misled.

Her eyes told him that she wouldn't be tricked. She knew something was up.

“Let's have dinner first, it can wait. And we wouldn’t  want the stew to get cold,” he smiled to let her know it was not that important.

The food was delicious and Scully congratulated him on his cooking progress. While they were preparing their after-dinner tea cups, she said she could get used to that, being pampered by her husband.

Mulder sighed and realized the time had come.

“I went to the Circuit Court today,” he admitted, “to know about the process. We can get it done in no time, just take some documents, sign a couple papers and it's done. No need for long waits or witnesses, though I guess you'll want your mother there.”

Mulder would be lying if he said that he didn't want her there, too.

“So we can do it whenever you want. But first, there's something I need to tell you about,” he said, darkening his tone and walking towards the living room. Barry White was singing in the radio and he decided to turn the music down, it was making him strangely nervous. He sat on his left hip so that he could face her when she sat, too. This was too important to just look towards the blank wall.

“So that's what the cooking was all about. It must be really serious, Mulder,” she said, following him. “Is this like one of those silly movies in which you tell me you are married to some unknown girl that… oh”. Scully started joking on her way from the kitchen but stopped suddenly when she saw his face as she approached the sofa.

He had thought long about how to tell her; not just these days, but so many years before. When he could have brought it up easily, he hadn't felt it necessary. And later on, it was just too unsettling to bring forth.

“No way,” she finally read it in his eyes. Of course she put two and two together. She was a really clever woman.

Scully sat down, but not as close to him as she usually did. Yes, she was mad. She had every reason to be. That was important information, and he had never told her.

Mulder still wasn't sure how much he should elaborate on it. That woman had almost torn them apart once. He was so afraid she was going to ruin it all even from her grave. But if she did, this time it would be his fault only.

“But it can't be,” she thought aloud calmly, sipping from the mug she was still holding and then leaving it on the table. “I've seen your FBI profile. It never stated _divorced_ ,” she added directly to him, trying to understand.

“Oh, well, that was Langly's doing,” he fumbled a little. “When the guys found out, they told me not to worry at all about it, they would get it fixed without me having to talk to her ever again. And I just did so.”

The breakup with Diana had been really tough for him. Even worse than when he had found out about Phoebe cheating on him. He hadn't been choosing his relationships very wisely back then.

“Do you want to know more?” he asked in an attempt to test the water.

Mulder would have loved to just leave it at that, but he guessed she'd want to have some details. He felt no need to muddle the past, he really didn't want to. He was going to give her as much information as she wanted him to, but he wondered whether she would really want to know.

“I think so”. Scully took some time to answer as she sipped from her mug quietly. She had taken it back from the table and had really given it a thought while looking inside it, as if the hot beverage was going to give her the correct answer to his question. Sometimes it was better not to know, but he guessed in this case she'd want to, if only so as not to mull over it unnecessarily.

“So… we were married for less than a year,” he started. “It all fell apart just after I discovered the X-Files. We had been working on them for a couple of months when she was offered that assignment abroad, but you know about that.”

That part he knew she had already been told, more or less. He knew The Gunmen had introduced her to Diana. Mulder had laughed at them when they called him, all worried, telling him that Scully was jealous about his old chick. Dana Scully, jealous? No way. It had taken him a long while to realise they were right. He had been such a fool, and their relationship had suffered so badly for his carelessness. It had taken him a whole year and almost dying to gain her trust again.

“She accepted the job without even discussing it with me,” he went on, only to realise how patronizing that sounded when the words left his mouth. “I mean, not that she should have, it was her career. But she had expected me to follow her, leave that _shady basement_ and go to Europe with her. I couldn't. I had found what could finally get me some answers about my sister. She made her choice and I made mine.”

Mulder stopped for a moment. He had been really angry back then. Diana had been nagging him about getting married for years before they actually did it. And she had even convinced him to wear the ring before they had tied the knot. _You'll look more serious, more stable,_ she had said. _You can get used to it and see it's not that big a deal._ When they finally got  married -at her insistence- she had dismissed his needs in the blink of an eye. He wasn't really surprised though. Mulder had been taken advantage of for most of his life.

After his parents' divorce and the Phoebe fiasco he had had trouble believing in the institution of marriage. And Diana ended up ruining it completely for him. He now realized how much Dana Katherine Scully had changed his mind. Even before he really had entertained the idea of marrying her; even before thinking about becoming her romantic partner. Mulder had learned the hard way to trust no one, to believe he would be alone forever, to think of himself not worthy of love. But a year working with that woman was all he had needed to get his trust in humanity back. Well, trust in Scully at least. They had been separated for the first time and she stood by him. Scully had really cared about him. She had travelled almost 2,000 miles, flown the ocean, entered the jungle to get to him from that Puerto Rican facility. And she hadn't needed to. She wasn't his partner anymore. She could have left him rot in the basement, just like Diana, his wife, had done. And Scully was just his work partner… no. Dana Scully had never been _just his partner_. She had been his everything from the moment she had entered that basement. If only he had taken better care of her…

At that moment, Mulder realised how he had almost treated Scully the way he had been treated. He had forced her to go on the run with him and to leave everything behind. He looked at the metal band around his finger and realised he even gave her the ring in advance and almost forced her to wear it. Hadn’t he learned anything from his own experience? Why was he such a jerk?

“Hey, you ok?” Scully suddenly grazed his arm on the back of the couch and brought him back to the conversation.

“Yeah, sorry. I got lost in thought.” Mulder grabbed her hand. “I'm just realizing now that I treated you the same way. I made you leave your family for years because I just couldn't stop following my stupid need to find _The Truth_.”

“You had no choice,” she reassured him, grabbing his hand with both of hers and sitting closer. “I asked you to go find those truths. We both needed them and you were trapped. Besides, you didn't expect me to go and I decided to join you on my own terms.”

They didn't talk about that enough, and he didn't want the conversation to divert there, but it was nice knowing that she didn't hate him for that period of their lives.

“You wanted me to be with you but never forced me,” Scully continued. “In fact, you asked me to leave you over and over.”

“But you never did,” he reflected aloud.

Each and every night Mulder had tried to persuade her to leave him, go back to her mom, her medicine, her normal life. Each and every night she had stayed and he had never thanked her enough for that.

“Because I love you,” Scully looked at him with that smile that melted his heart and once more he couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her by his side.

“You know what? We don't really have to do this,” he said pointing at the papers on the coffee table. “I understand now. I wanted to give you something normal, but we are not normal, are we?”

“No, we are quite special,” she said getting closer and snuggled into his arms.

“Yes, we are”. Mulder held her close, not wanting that moment to end. They didn't talk much about the important things. They always found it difficult to open their hearts, but whenever they did, he felt like they had their minds in exactly the same place.

She kept silent for a while before opening her mouth again, and then her question surprised him.

“So, the Gunmen knew… all the time? I can't believe they didn't tell me when I asked them. They played so dumb.”

“They were terrified, in fact, so they just dodged the issue,  worrying you were going to take it out on them. They called me as soon as you left the batcave.”

Mulder chuckled. It had been the weirdest and most profound conversation he had had with them. They sometimes made fun of him when Scully was not around, but that day, they were really serious. They swore Scully felt the same way he did, even though he had never told them about his feelings, and that he should be really careful about how he was going to handle that kind of _threesome_.

“It was kind of their idea to keep it a secret. I shouldn't have listened to them. They said you would get mad, they sensed you felt lesser, and if you found out you would leave the X-Files forever. I was so scared of losing you because of her that I followed their advice, even though I didn't believe you could feel threatened by Diana. For fuck’s sake, you were the best agent in the whole building, how could you feel even slightly less than her?”

“Well, you kinda made me feel like I was the third wheel and you preferred working with someone who shared your beliefs.”

Mulder pushed her a bit away so he could look her in the eyes. He needed to get this message straight.

“Don't you _ever_ think that you are not the first and most important thing in my life.” He placed his hands on her cheeks and rubbed them gracefully. “You are now, and you were back then. Maybe I wasn't the best at proving it to you, but you know I'm a bit thick headed, even though that's not an excuse.”

He pondered on a thought, wondering if it was wise to tell her, but he finally did.

“I just felt you were so out of my league. I still feel that way sometimes.”

“What do you mean? That's stupid,” Scully almost yelled at him, surprised, grabbing his hands from her face and holding them down over her thighs.

“You could choose one of your clever and handsome colleagues any time. They wouldn't put you through the nonsense I put you through sometimes. And your brother wouldn't instantly hate him.”

“And what would be the fun of that?” she chuckled. “On the other hand, my mom wouldn't like anybody else as much as she likes you.”

“I'm still amazed at that. After all I put you and her through...”

The mood was getting lighter but he also felt all of their difficult moments coming back to them. As sad as it was, they had been through it all together, and they were still going strong.

“She loved you from the first time she met you. And you brought me back from death like a thousand times, so it's no wonder.”

“It's always nice to know that your mother-in-law loved you even before your own wife did,” he smiled.

“Not yet,” Scully corrected him raising an eyebrow

Mulder didn’t understand her. She didn’t love him yet? He was going to ask her to elaborate on that when he saw her move towards the coffee table and finish signing the paper. Well, yes, technically she wasn’t his wife, yet.

“So, you still wanna do this?” he asked half surprised, half relieved. He had been so scared to tell her, fearing it would discourage her or make her hate him for having kept it from her.

“Of course I do, I wanna be your second wife”. Scully smiled back at him, making him know that she wasn't mad, but that she would also take advantage of that new knowledge she now had about his past.

“No,” he stopped her right there, pulling her back to the sofa. “As a wise man said once, you are my first, my last, my everything.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I might hate this idea, it's the thing my mind has worked out to make sense of the David's-ring in the flashback episodes and his Fowl dreams in Amor Fati.  
> I hope you don't hate it too much, now the Fowl one will rest in peace forever :-P


	4. Better Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy day in the Unremarkable House, settled around a Melissa memory, with some sexy and angsty bits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, massive thanks to my beta readers, your help is so very appreciated :D

(Spring 2011)

 

Mulder and Scully had had a really busy weekend. Finally getting all of her things into the unremarkable house was leaving Scully with a feeling of relief she hadn't had in a long time. Almost ten years had passed since she had left the comfort of her Georgetown flat to embark on the craziest runaway trip following the love of her life.

Back then, she and Mulder had driven around the country for about a year, an endless vacation that had been both a blessing and a curse. His worrying all the time about being found and put to jail had taken away most of the fun, but Scully had liked that period for the freedom she had felt. After a while, however, they had realised they couldn't go on like that forever. They had money but they were going to run out of it eventually. Also, Scully started missing being a physician. 

There had been a difficult conversation, but she finally convinced Mulder that they could try and make a come back. In the summer of 2003 Mulder felt peaceful enough to do some settling down along the West coast, far enough from the capital and their alleged pursuers. Scully felt happy everytime she convince Mulder to head into San Diego and reminisce her teenage years. 

After thinking it through, Scully had decided to take a residency in Neurosurgery. It wasn't easy, coming back to training, and the constant changing of accommodation made it even harder, Mulder wouldn’t want to stay still and insisted on changing cities every now and then. But she had managed to get wonderful Letters of Recommendation and she worked so hard that after five years she finished her fellowship and was finally able to practice and apply for a job. 

It had been another tough moment, and Mulder was still not really convinced that he wasn't being followed. Finally he agreed when Scully made her point telling him that in six years they had had no trouble. If the people who were looking for him wanted to find him, they would have probably done it by then.

"Ok, ok," Mulder finally consented. "I guess we can try and find that unremarkable house that goes unnoticed in the middle of the countryside."

Scully wanted to be as close to her mother as possible, so she tried to find a job back in DC. It wasn't long till she was admitted in Our Lady of Sorrows, given her astounding resume. So that was how they ended up living in Farrs Corner.

However, Scully was forced to get a flat in the city too. She needed somewhere she could register in her file and ID that was completely unrelated to Mulder, otherwise he might be tracked down. Nobody, not even Margaret Scully, could know about their little house in the countryside for those first years. 

So Scully got a flat in Georgetown. It stood away from her old apartment, but she liked the neighborhood and knew it by heart. It was a bit painful at first to be back there, but it wasn't like she spent so much time in that flat. It was just an hour drive from the hospital to their home in the countryside, so she didn't mind driving if it meant she could spend the rest of the day by Mulder's side. The Georgetown flat was only a cover and a place to stay from time to time when the weather made it difficult to get back home in the middle of a winter storm or when she had long shifts and it wasn't safe to drive without having some rest first.

She had only used the place a little more during that tough time when they had helped the FBI with the Russian organ-stealing case. She had been so pissed and worried at Mulder… But two years had passed since that, and everything had improved between them. That was why after they finally got married, she decided it was high time she settled her real residence and left her Georgetown flat. Scully could afford it without a problem, but it was not really needed. Mulder had been so happy when she told him about clearing the flat.

So, Mulder and Scully spent the first weekend of spring in Georgetown packing the minimal possessions she kept there and bringing them to their home. Scully had just added some decorations, books and stuff so that the place looked like someone was living there, only lightly. She didn't invite anybody over, just her mother had been there on occasion, but Scully didn't want the place to look like a characterless hotel room. 

They also made the most of their trip and visited Margaret in Bethesda. Her mother was happy to also fill their trunk with some boxes she had been keeping in her attic. They had a bunch of boxes and things to sort out the when they got back home.

 

Scully spent the following Sunday afternoon placing her belongings back around the unremarkable home. She was organising the books on the top shelf when Mulder let out a surprised grunt.

"What's wrong?" she turned around wondering what could have upset him.

Mulder was sorting their vinyl records and pulled one out for her to see.

"Since when do we have this? I can't remember it." He waved at her an album: She read from afar: it was Bruce Springsteen’s  _ Lucky Town _ . 

"It must have been in one of the boxes my mom gave us," she approached him and took it out its sleeve, placing the disc on the stereo system.

"I never envisioned you as being The Boss fan," he noted while he checked the lyrics book. "You never cease to amaze me."

"That's because I'm not," she started explaining while she placed the needle on the disc and the first song started playing.  _ Well my soul checked out missing as I sat listening…  _ "Melissa gave it to me when I started working with you. I had completely forgotten about it."

Memories of her sister were always bittersweet. Melissa drove her up the wall more often than not with her crazy stuff but Scully missed her deeply. Every time she remembered her sister, Scully realized how she had prepared her for putting up with Mulder's nonsense.

While the song  _ Better Days _ sounded in the background, Scully started remembering the origin of that disc.

 

It had been a couple days since Scully had been back from Bellefleur. Ethan was away on a business trip for the weekend and Melissa insisted on having lunch with her. Apparently there was something really important she had to tell Scully about that couldn't wait.

They met at a restaurant closer to Melissa's place. Scully had been early so she had waited patiently at their booked table. It was not unlike her sister to be late for a meeting. She always found something to distract her.

"Hey lil sister," Scully finally heard her voice and turning her gaze away from the book she had been reading she found Melissa, happy as a clam and with no intention of apologizing for making her wait for almost half an hour. Melissa was a free spirit.

While sitting down in front of her, Melissa told her that she had a present but that it could wait. First she wanted to know everything about the case she had worked on. Had she found any extraterrestrials? Melissa knew her sister couldn't talk about her job, and Scully immediately regretted having told her that little piece of information. She couldn't help it, though. As soon as she met _Spooky_ _Mulder_ Scully couldn't stop herself from thinking how well he and her sister would get along. Both were such believers in all things weird.

"Mulder? Really? What kind of name is that?" Melissa laughed over a sip of water when Scully started talking about him.

"Name's Fox, in fact, but he doesn't like it… what?" Scully had to stop and ask her sister about that mischievous smirk that had suddenly appeared on her face.

"Uhm, nothing. Go on. So Mulder…" Melissa tried to hide her amusement but Scully showed her classic tell-me-what-you-are thinking eyebrow look and Melissa had no choice. "The Fox as a spirit animal is associated with a teacher figure… And we both know how much you like those." That snarky comment rewarded her with a deathly look. "Ok, ok, I promised I wouldn't bring that up again. Anyhow, the fox is also known to be shrewd and a thief," Melissa finished with a smile so wide that almost didn't fit in her face.

"So what?" Scully wouldn't follow her sister's game. If she wanted to tell her something, she'd have to lay it all out for her.

"That can only mean that you are going to fall for him. Real hard."

"Oh, c'mon, Missy, don't do this. You know I love Ethan. And Mulder is bat crap crazy," Melissa was way out of line and she was just trying to mess with her. She always did that, trying to hook her up with this guy and that guy.

"For heaven's sake, Dana. Ethan is so cute and all, but he is such a bore," she commented grabbing another bite and waiting for her to answer.

Scully wouldn't take the bait. In those kind of fights, she always lost when Melissa found some unreasonable spiritual fact that she wouldn't let Scully counter with her logic.

"Besides, you always say that I'm  _ bat crap crazy _ too, and you love me. You are gonna love him too. I'm sure about it." Melissa wouldn't stop smirking. She was so enjoying herself.

"Or… maybe it's you who is going to love him, haven't you thought about it? You are so alike…" retorting with child-like counter-arguments was all Scully could do when her sister became too obsessed. She didn't like it, she felt petty and stupid, but there was no other way around fairytale Melissa.

"Nope, that's exactly why it would not happen. I tell you. He's yours and yours only." Melissa's wide smile was making her really nervous. Once she set her mind into something she wouldn't let go. Stubbornness ran deep into the Scully's genes. 

"Just because his name is Fox…" Scully grunted waving her head and getting back at her plate. She wouldn't argue any more. 

"Not just that. Also because of this," Melissa added grabbing the bag she had brought with her. "This is in fact what gave me the first clue and what I wanted to tell you about. The  _ Fox _ thing is only confirmation," she said offering her the flat gift-wrapped thing. "Don't open it here. I wasn't supposed to give it to you until Tuesday but I couldn't wait. If Matthew finds out he'll kill me."

Scully turned it upside down and looked at it over the light to see if she could find out what it was that her sister was so excited about. It was not unlike her to give her presents for no reason. But she couldn't remember the last time she had been this thrilled.

"A vinyl," Scully flatly said in the end placing the present back on the table between them.

"It is Springsteen's new album, it's going to be released next Tuesday." She couldn't hide her excitement. The Scully girls had always had a lot of trouble waiting for the appropriate time to give and open presents. "I had to pull some strings to get it earlier, but I needed you to listen to it as soon as possible."

"Why? What makes it so special?" Scully was curious about it, even though she knew her sister was going to pull some other weird cosmic theory at her, something fantabulous that she would not believe at all.

"When you called the other day, from the motel, telling me you were a bit anxious about the case. Remember how I told you to calm down and do your job as best you could and it would all be fine?" Melissa then grabbed her hand. 

Scully nodded. It had been after the fire at the hotel, that crazy night had gotten to her and she had felt so in need of some comfort. Melissa seemed like the only one she could talk to. She couldn't call her mom or dad, they would scoff again at her FBI career choice.

"When you hung up, I got up to make some herbal tea so as to fall asleep again. I turned on the radio while I waited for the water to boil, and the first words out of the broadcast were this;  _ better days shining through _ ," Melissa delivered that information as if it was the most obvious and clear reasoning she had ever done. 

And, as usual, Scully couldn't make heads or tails of what she meant with it. She left her cutlery on the plate and crossed her hands below her chin while she kept looking at Melissa, waiting for her to elaborate.

"Don't you get it? It's the universe telling you this was the right decision. You were worried you might have made the wrong choice and this is me telling you that you haven't.  _ Better days are coming. _ "

Scully had always been amazed at how her sister could find comfort in the smallest things that happened in her life.

 

Mulder listened to the story while he kept looking at the booklet.

"Hm, I think she could have been right, Scully. But I think this was a message for me," he added pointing at some sentences on the lyrics, " _ a pretty red rose… a woman I can call my friend… better days with a girl like you _ … It was my life that was exceedingly improved since you landed in it," he smiled at her and kissed her softly on the lips.

“Like two peas in a pod,” Scully whispered smiling at him and going back to the bookshelf.

They continued with the organisation of the house while listening to the rest of the disc. Scully had to admit that she probably had just heard it a couple of times. She liked the music style, but she didn't want to believe in her sister's theories so she had pushed it away in all her stubbornness. 

Some songs later they found themselves looking at each other in surprise. It was Mulder who turned to the stereo system and pulled up the needle to restart the song they were hearing.

_ …We'd help each other stay in stride... But each lover's steps fall so differently...  I'll wait for you, If I should fall behind... Wait for me … _

"Sounds familiar?" Mulder smirked at her as soon as those words were repeated in the music machine.

"It looks like I might have  _ inadvertently _ absorbed those words at some point… Do you think  _ The Boss  _ will sue me?" she joked getting closer for a moment and resting her head on his chest.

"Even though our steps might fall differently, we've always helped each other stay in stride," Mulder repeated. She had said those words to him in front of the judge a couple months back, but he could remember them clearly as it had just been a minute before.

 

When everything was in its right place, they decided to sit down and relax on the couch. It had been a long day. Driving to and back from Washington, picking the boxes, emptying them in the house… It was late afternoon when they finished and they thought they deserved some relaxing time.

"The house has never been cleaner and tidier. We should do this more often," Scully sighed, kicking out her shoes and placing her feet up the coffee table.

"You know what else we haven't done recently?" Mulder asked casually arching his eyebrows.

"I think  _ since this morning _ does count as recent enough…" she smirked back.

"Oh, there's no such thing as too often for that, but I was thinking about something else…" He then put his right hand up, opening his fingers and started pulling them down, slowly, one by one as in a countdown.

"No," Scully propped up. "No, no, no, Mulder. I'm not in the mood… and we just finished putting everything in place…" she groaned pouting hard.

He didn't let her finish and kept his hand counting down while resting his other index finger on her lips.

"Bad guys don't care about that," he said whispering. "They might actually think it's the best moment to hit," he added while his last finger was pulled down. "Go!" Mulder finally yelled closing his fist and signalling the kitchen.

Scully gave him the "You're gonna pay for this" look while she got up quickly and run to where he had pointed at.

Back when they had moved into the house, they had been worried about "the bad guys" finding them and bursting in unannounced. Well,  _ Mulder _ had been worried. So he had designed a couple of runaway plans in case it happened. He wanted to be prepared to fly given that attempt. Guns hidden around the house, keys inside the car for a fast escape… He had even thought about placing traps but Scully had convinced him that it was too much. 

They had practiced those runaway routes every now and then, different movements depending on which entrance the attackers used. Signaling the kitchen meant the side door had been used by the attackers. At the beginning, Scully thought it was a stupid idea, nobody ever came there, not even salesmen knocked at their door. That house was really lost in the middle of nowhere. Later on, though, she started thinking it was kinda fun. Whenever Mulder decided, completely out of the blue, for them to run around the house, it made her be quick and ready for action. She would never accept it out loud, but she sometimes missed the lively part of their FBI job. So those little action times made her heart rush with adrenaline that filled her with happiness. Eventually, Mulder had completely forgotten about those escape drills. It must have been almost a year since they had done the last one. She was surprised at her body remembering every step of it even though her mind might not.

Mulder ran upstairs to get the upper floor gun, while Scully slid below the kitchen table pulling it down, unsticking the gun they kept on the lower part of it. She quickly got on her knees and pointed the gun at the door while she stood hidden behind the wooden table.

"Ready!" she then yelled, breathing heavily.

She realized she needed to do a little more exercise. Just that little run had tired her more than it used to. It was a clear mark she was slightly out of shape.

"Shit, you win again!" Mulder yelled from upstairs, soon reappearing with the gun on his hand. "I thought it would take you longer this time."

The drill ended with them yelling at each other as soon as they were ready to shoot. Usually it was Scully who got to her position sooner. Even the times they had changed positions she had managed to get to the upper floor gun faster than Mulder could get behind the kitchen table. Scully doubted he slid below it like she did, he would probably run around, so it would take him longer. 

"Benefits of moving a smaller body, Mulder," she smiled placing the gun back on its spot below the table and pulling the furniture back up in place. She had scattered some glasses on the floor, but she didn't care right now.

"So, I think this is definitive proof that I'm still sharp on this matter. You make dinner tonight," she said resting her arms at the stairs handrail watching Mulder walking down.

"Not so fast, little lady, you still have to knock me down," he added running down towards her and faking an attack.

They didn't always try the second part of the drill, and it was definitely not Scully's favourite. She wasn't as good at getting rid of Mulder, his body being bigger and stronger. Back at the academy she had pulled a lot of men down in the physical tests, but that had been thirty years back. Thirty! She definitely was getting old. 

Mulder took her by surprise and before she knew it he had turned her around and was holding her hands steadily behind her back. But she wasn't going to surrender so easily. Scully turned to her left side while she crushed his right foot, destabilizing him. If he wanted to play, he would get her best. She took the chance and pushed him down, Mulder landing on his chest. Before he could get up, she was straddling his waist, holding his back with her tiny body and pushing his face down.

"Ha!" Scully yelled panting. "Guess you are making dinner  _ and _ doing the dishes, " she triumphantly delivered.

"Not so fast…" he smiled as he started spinning on his side, taking her with him. 

They rolled over the living room floor until Mulder managed to stay on top, planting his knees on the floor around her waist and holding her still just like that.

"Gotcha," he ostentatiously crossed his arms over his chest. 

There was no way Scully could come out of that grip. Nonetheless, she started wriggling beneath him, trying to sit up and escape. It was useless, he wouldn't move an inch. Well, apparently not completely useless. Scully started feeling his hard on growing against her belly where he had her trapped. 

"You should stop doing that," he commanded bending, pulling his face closer to her and holding her hands pulling them up her head. 

He knew what he was doing, he knew how much that turned her on. Scully smirked at him and pushed her hips up, rubbing her pelvis against his. And as easy as that they were completely away and beyond the runaway drill in a second. He started kissing her passionately while keeping his grip on her, his left hand pinning her arms to the floor, while his right hand went to unbutton her blouse. Scully closed her eyes for a second, enjoying the moment. She suddenly remembered why she usually liked his escaping drills, they tended to end like this, them making out wherever he finally caught her. Today it had escalated quickly.

Scully felt the hard floor on her back, Mulder's pelvis pinning hers down, his hand fumbling with her buttons… and somehow it suddenly wasn't right.

She opened her eyes and for a second she didn't see Mulder on top of her but a hooded bearded man trying to get to her heart. Scully gasped and her body clenched. She tried to calm down and reassured herself looking at Mulder. But her body was too tense.

"Mulder, stop," she pleaded fleebly.

"You bet…" he chuckled going for her neck. "I got you exactly where I wanted you…"

"Mulder, I'm serious. Let me go."

He lifted his head and looked at her. They had never felt the need to come up with a safe word. They knew each other too well, their tone and eyes saying everything they needed to. He must have seen the restlessness in her eyes and immediately moved away from her, sitting by her side on the floor and pulling her up.

"What's wrong, honey? Did I hurt you?" he seemed quite scared, his eyes fixed on hers trying to understand what had happened.

"No, you did nothing wrong. It was just… We've never done this on the floor before. It wasn't right…"

She couldn't tell him this had reminded her of that horrible night at his apartment. She was unwillingly thinking about that unspeakable Brazilian man on top of her trying to kill her. That was an unthinkable connection to make, she couldn't understand how it had happened, but now she was having a hard time taking it away from her mind. She started looking at the floor in an attempt to make it go away.

"Oh, shit, sorry honey," somehow he realized what was going on inside her mind. It both amazed and scared her a bit how well he could read into her. "I should have known better," he added pulling her to his embrace, kissing her scalp.

"No, it's not your fault," Scully replied, relaxing against his chest and feeling instantly better sensing his warmth and the pumping of his heart against her ear. "It was a long time ago. I guess the feeling of the floor on my back must have triggered the memory…"

"I can fix that, if you're still in the mood," Mulder started kissing her collarbone in that way she loved so much and she felt quickly back on the game. "I can take you upstairs," he went on, tracing a line of kisses up her neck, "help you relax…"

"No, I wanna try here," she decided facing him and lying back down, pulling him down with her, "let's just start a little lighter," she smiled kissing him back and slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

"No problem, you're  _ the boss _ here. I can be a gentleman."

Oh, she loved him. He could be rough; he could be gentle; he could be anything she needed him to be and more. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Melissa bit was going to be just an introduction for next chapter. But as I started digging deeper into the Lucky Town album, I realized how much MSR I could pull out of it, so I found myself expanding it without even noticing.  
> It seems like I'll be also doing a third chapter using the album later on, because the song Leap Of Faith needs to be used <3  
> Missy is really a witch :P


	5. Life in the Fast Lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lovely life in the Unremarkable House starts to crumble down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huuuuuge thanks to my beta readers... this wouldn't be possible without you gals!!  
> And also to all of you, readers; thanks so much for your time and support :D

**(Spring 2012)**

 

_ On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair… _

A long time had passed since Mulder had heard Scully sing  _ Hotel California _ . It was rare to hear her sing, although lately she felt less self conscious and happier and Mulder could hear her humming or whispering lyrics more often than not. However,  _ Hotel California  _ was a special song. Sweeping the kitchen floor while she was cleaning the dishes, he smiled to himself at her back. That song always meant she was in the mood for a trip to the forest.

 

It had started almost ten years before, one of those endless days of their fugitive years. They had been driving for hours across deserted fields and were quite tired, but they hadn't reached their desired destination yet, so Mulder was glad to find a gas station and pulled over. Scully jumped out of the van before he did and started filling the tank, so he handed her the keys and headed into the station. He went quickly to the toilet and was out before she got in.

"I'll grab some snacks," he told her when they crossed paths.

Mulder went into the shop and grabbed some chips, chocolates and Twizzlers. While at the cashier line, the CD rack caught his attention and he asked a guy from staff to get one of them out.

 

"I brought you a present," he said after closing the passenger door while Scully started up the car and left the station.

"You could have given it to me before I started driving," she told him as she looked at him at the corner of her eye.

"No problem, it's a present for your ears," he added while inserting the CD in the player in the car.

As soon as she heard the first guitar notes she recognized it immediately.

"You bought me Hotel California? How sweet," she smiled looking at him briefly.

Only a couple days before she had told him about how she had fangirled about that album when she was young. Surprisingly for Mulder she had sung the whole song, knowing the lyrics by heart when it came up on the radio station they were playing.

Scully started singing again that day, until suddenly, in the middle on the song, she stopped, looked at him and smirked.

"What?" Mulder looked back at her wondering what could be so funny.

Instead of answering him, she pushed the forward button twice, skipping the rest of the song and the next one. A more upbeat song started playing. Mulder didn't know that one, but was glad to hear Scully humming to the guitar and tapping the steering wheel at the rhythm as soon as it began. When she started singing the song he was instantly interested.

" _He was a hard-headed man, he was brutally handsome,_ " she started singing with a wide smile on her face. " _And she was_ terminally pretty ."

At those last words, Scully brought a hand to her jaw, and looking at him, she batted her lashes extravagantly. 

"Ok, so this is about us?" he wondered amused laughing to her giddiness.

" _…he held her for ransom, in the heart of the cold, cold city,_ " she kept singing ignoring him, her sight again set on the road ahead, the sun starting to set down. " _He had a_ nasty reputation  _as a cruel dude. They said he was ruthless, they said he was crude_."

"Oh, c'mon, really?" 

He interrupted her again, but she stopped him raising her hand and singing louder.

" _…one thing in common:_ they were good in bed _… She'd say, Faster, faster, the lights are turning red… Life in the fast lane!_ " she stopped singing at the chorus.

"I think this is going to be my new favourite car song," Mulder spoke when she finally put her hand back on the steering wheel.

"Brutally handsome, nasty reputation as a cruel dude… I can't believe I never thought about you with this song before. It's so accurate, right?" she recalled the lyrics placing a hand on his thigh. And sliding it higher she added "And we are definitely  _ good in bed _ ."

Mulder both loved and hated her doing that. At least he wasn't the one driving this time, because by then his attention left his mind completely.

"I think you are the cruel one, Scully. You know what you do to me. And now I gotta sit here for who knows how many more hours until we find a suitable motel to stay the night and take care of it."

"Or maybe not so much," Scully huskily whispered making a turn to the right into a dusty path. 

They were in the middle of nowhere. It reminded him of that specific time he had dragged her to Texas chasing phantom tanker trucks.

Some yards later Scully pulled over at the curb and turned off the engine. Before Mulder could realize what she was doing, she jumped over the hand brake and was sitting on his knees, her little thighs around his at the edge of the car seat.

"Wow, I guess you really liked the present," he smirked looking at her glowing darkened eyes. "Maybe we'd be more comfortable back the…"

"Shut up, Mulder," she admonished him going straight for his lips while looking for the hem of his t-shirt in the oncoming darkness. 

Soon his t-shirt was flying to the back of the minivan, her dress following quickly, and his pants and underwear were dragged to his knees. Scully sat up to pull them downwards to his knees but her head bumped the car roof.

"Told ya," Mulder made fun of her, instantly regretting it when he saw her blazing eyes staring at him.  _ Shut up, Mulder _ .  _ Yes, ma'am _ . Mulder brought his right hand up, zipped his lips, then tossed away the imaginary key, before placing his palms back at her hips, pulling her forward. No more wasting time.

They locked lips again and it wasn't too long before Scully was reaching for his length and guiding it towards her entrance, moaning louder than usual as she slowly moved down around him.

That day, Mulder found out about  _ Loud Scully _ . And it was the most beautiful sound in the world. She wasn't exactly the quiet kind, but apparently being out in the wild with nobody in so many miles around made her let loose. 

As she started pumping up and down she became louder and louder, and it took everything in him not to let go instantly. He had heard her moan, mewl, sigh, groan and whimper. But she had never, ever, risen her voice like that. Her screaming in  his ear was so arousing he quickly searched for her hard spot and started working on it, needing her to be on his same page. 

Once she reached her release point, Mulder could finally let go. He hated to be done before her, but he could read her so well, he always managed to fire her with whatever means he had at his reach. The expletives she yelled when she reached her peak really surprised Mulder. Some of them, he was sure he had never before heard come out of her lips. That was really a satisfying surprise.

Once she was spent lying on his chest he needed to ask her.

"So, to what do I owe the honor of meeting your loud side?" he finally whispered into her ear.

"I… it's quite liberating knowing you won't be heard by the neighbors" she smiled. "And it's not like we can afford getting somebody in those crappy motels to call the police on us," she spoke quietly into his bare chest.

"Hmm, you are right. Though I don't think anybody cares. As if you were going to be the first woman to be greatly satisfied among any of those walls. People expect that kind of thing to be happening…"

He sensed her smirk against his chest skin.

"I've been keeping myself quiet for a while, so I think I will stay that way."

"Really? I might make it my personal quest to let this new side of you flourish…"

"Don't you dare!" She rose while yelling at him, looking into his eyes.

Her cheeks were a nice shade of red, and something told Mulder that it was not just because of the recent physical effort. Scully was so adorable when she was shy.

"See? I'm already winning. I'm so gonna love this."

 

Ever since that day,  _ Life In The Fast La n _ _e_ and, by extension,  _ Hotel California _ , meant a sexy trip to an open space, where no one could hear her scream. They had been doing it every now and then while on the run, usually when moving from town to town. Later they would drive away to a less crowded area while they were staying around San Diego during her neurology residency years.

Those trips were no longer necessary when they settled in Farr's Corner. The house was far enough from civilization for her to be comfortable to voice her pleasure. However, from time to time, they planned little trips to sleep outside under the stars. It was a way to bring back the adrenaline days of the past, of spicing things a bit.

 

They hadn't done it for a while now, so it caught Mulder off guard when he heard Scully sing that afternoon while she was cleaning the dishes. It took him a couple seconds to catch her hint but he soon smiled at the idea. When she finished she voiced her intention of taking a quick bath and left the kitchen with a wide smile on her face. Mulder hid his interest and waited for her to be in the bathroom to go upstairs to prepare a little bag.

Not much was necessary but at least he wanted to get a couple blankets and some warm clothes to spend the night if she felt like it.

The camping bag was already prepared in the wardrobe at the spare bedroom. Sometimes she would just be content with the little trip outside, a quick romp, and coming back home. But on occasion Scully suggested staying, especially on those warm summer nights. So Mulder had eventually gotten a little tent and some camping items. It was not so warm in the night already, but he preferred to be prepared.

Suddenly, Mulder remembered he had bought a little surprise for her. It had occurred to him the last time they had stayed out for the night. He couldn't even remember how long ago it had been. Maybe the summer before?

Mulder checked Scully was still having her bath and ran downstairs to his office. The surprise item was stored in one of his cabinets, where Scully wouldn't snoop around and find it. He hadn't come to his office in a couple days. Mulder had spent the days lately painting the banister outside, preparing the porch to make the most of the upcoming nice weather. During summer afternoons, they spent some hours outside, reading or just talking, cuddling at the front of the house watching the sun sunset. 

While pushing aside the things over his desk to get to the hidden drawer, Mulder moved the computer mouse and the screen lit up. He didn't intend to, but couldn't help looking at the notifications mark and see that he had more than a dozen new mails. That was weird. Never had he gotten so many messages and, less usual, in only a 48 hour timeframe.

He cleared the chair, also full of papers and stuff and sat to quickly check on them. Scully wouldn't even notice, she had just jumped in the bath. It would take her another 20 minutes. As much as she liked to call them "quick baths", they were never less than half an hour long.

Soon Mulder was immersed in sighting news and detailed comments of people claiming to have seen lots of UFOs flying over the desert of Nevada. Mulder couldn't get rid of the feeling that it had to do with the December 2012 plan. He hadn't thought much about it lately. No news or sightings had been appearing for months and he finally decided, with Scully's help, that it wasn't going to happen. The Colonisation Plan had been somehow cancelled, everything was going to be alright, the world wasn't going to end that year.

But now he started feeling not so sure about it. Was this a hint of it starting?

"Mulder?" Scully called for him from upstairs.

"I'm down here checking something. I'll be out in a sec."

He just wanted to go over all the messages before leaving. He would just print them to read them calmly the following day.

 

He was surprised to hear John Fogerty's voice, in what seemed like a couple minutes later, singing loudly in the living room.

_ Well, you wake up in the mornin', you hear the work bell ring… _

He looked away from the screen and realised it was already nighttime.

"No…" He couldn't believe it.

Checking his watch he felt helpless. It had happened again, somehow time had slipped through his fingers. He stopped right there, left the sentence he was typing unfinished and ran out of the office.

"Honey, I'm so sorry. I…" he started apologizing while approaching her sitting with her legs up the sofa.

"It's ok Mulder. I'm sure it was important." She understandingly smiled at him while turning the volume down with the remote control.

"No, it wasn't. Nothing is ever more important than taking care of you. And you asked me for something. Thanks for pulling me out of there. Let's go." He offered both his hands to help her up.

"It's a little late, and I no longer feel like it. Don't worry. Just come here," she added pulling her legs closer and moving to one side of the sofa, going back to the book she had been reading.

Mulder started to worry slightly more. She didn't seem angry, just a little disappointed. But that  _ I no longer feel like it _ was like a punch to his guts. Whenever he made her not long for his touch, it meant serious business. He had to fix it fast.

"You sure I can't persuade you?" he leaned to her and started butterfly kissing her neck, moving from her collar bone up to her ear.

He could tell she was enjoying it by the way her breathing sped up, but she didn't take her sight from the book, determined not to let him win. Mulder started nibbling on her earlobe and licked upwards. He felt her shiver slightly and knew he had got to her.

"Stop there, silly. I'm not gonna let you off the hook that easily," she smiled but moved away from him. "I'm reading now, don't disturb me."

"But I'm here, at your service. You have my full attention."

"You made me wait for the whole afternoon, now you're going to wait for me," she smirked looking back at her book.

_ Okay, I deserve that _ , Mulder thought, sighing. But he wouldn't yield. So he sat legs crossed looking at her. He waited there without moving for some time. Scully glanced at him a couple times but didn't say anything at first.

"Are you just going to stare at me forever?" she finally had to ask.

"Not a bad way to spend the time, I gotta say. I just don't want to get distracted again."

"You are making me uncomfortable, Mulder."

"Sorry," he apologized, but didn't move an inch. Maybe that would make her forgive him sooner. Or get pissed. He hoped for the former.

A couple more minutes passed but then she sighed  and got up, leaving the book on the coffee table.

"Ok, I'll go prepare dinner," she declared heading for the kitchen.

Mulder collapsed on the couch growling when he was left alone. She was pissed. He had fucked it up more than he had thought. He should be fixing it soon before it got out of control. 

Getting up from the couch, he walked towards the kitchen area, where Scully had started chopping some vegetables. He hugged her at her waist and started kissing the back of her neck, instantly causing goosebumps on her skin. He knew he'd eventually win her. She couldn't fight him much longer.

"Mulder," she admonished him moving her head forward escaping from his kisses. 

"C'mon Scully, I know you want it badly. I can tell."

"You shouldn't be harassing a woman who's gripping a knife this size," she joked lifting the santoku knife she was using to slice some carrots.

"But wouldn't you prefer to be gripping something else?" Mulder kept going pressing his body closer to her so she could feel he was ready whenever she decided to stop resisting him.

"Just, stop it, ok?" Scully raised her voice pushing him backwards, dropping the vegetable and the knife on the kitchen counter and hanging onto its edge.

"And what if I don't want to?" Mulder lewdly whispered in her ear, gripping her hips and turning her around, grabbing her hands at her back, raising his eyebrows.

"Do I have to explain to you the basics of consent?" she raised her voice. "I said  _ stop _ ." 

He could tell she was aroused. Her breathing had sped up again and Mulder could sense the heating radiating from her.

"You and I both know how much you like this, so just quit playing hard to get." This had already gone too far, she'd never been this stubborn. Any other day they would already be at least half naked. He couldn't believe she was still pissed at his lapse in the office.

"I'm just trying to teach you about self-control, something you seem to have a complete lack of," Scully muttered fighting his gripping and getting away from him.

She walked towards the fridge and stopped before opening the door. Still with her hand on the handle, she turned around. Her eyes were full of sadness and concern.

"I know how it starts. A little mistake here and there. A little slip of the mind. A couple minutes that turn into hours. And before you know it, hundreds of "I'm sorry, Scullys" later, you've lost track of yourself." She stopped a second. "I've seen it happen before. But I won't see it happen  _ ever _ again." She sighed and her shoulders fell an inch. "I won't have you get swallowed inside that office again. You need to stop before it starts."

Mulder could see where her worry was coming from. He used to get trapped. Once his mind was onto something he couldn't let go. But that wasn't him anymore. He had come out, he was there. He had asked for her forgiveness and he was ready to make up for his slip of time. She needn't make a scene out of it.

"I'm not getting into the void again. I promised." He walked towards her and held her hands, caressing their top with his thumbs. "I just… need to stay informed, prepared. Just in case. But I won't get sucked. You have to believe me," he kissed her forehead. He wasn't pressing her anymore.

"I  _ want _ to believe you, Mulder. But it's like once you enter that room… it's as if you are entering an absorbing lair, a parallel universe." At those words she chuckled and he smiled, Dana Scully mentioning parallel universes of her own accord. "An alternate reality in which you become an entirely different person who won't listen to reason."

Scully looked up to him again. He saw disappointment in her eyes. He didn't want to disappoint her or make her sad. He just wanted her to be happy. But what if the colonisation was back…?  _ No, Mulder, focus in here. Listen to her.  _

"I'm afraid there'll come a time when you won't hear me anymore."

Her words broke his heart. Her job for the past twenty years had entirely been to save him. Time and time again. It was high time he started taking care of himself.

She was right. That room was dangerous. But there was something he could do.

Mulder released her hands and without a word, rushed into his office. He felt Scully following him but he didn't care, he was on a mission and he wouldn't be stopped until he was finished.

He moved towards his desk, and removed everything on it. He took the laptop and moved it to the living room table. A mug and the alien clock were placed on the chair and moved away. Then he stacked all the papers scattered over the desk and placed them over one of the filing cabinets. He would sort them out another day. When the desk was finally clear, he started dragging it across the office and into the main room, pushing it towards the wall beneath the stairs. He then brought out the chair and placed the laptop back on the desk. If she didn't like it, they'd figure a new layout out together later, but for now he'd made a move. He would stay out of the office.

"I hear you. I'll always hear you out here."

He made himself and to her the promise to never get trapped in his office again.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you think, good or bad, comments are always welcome :)


	6. Should I Fall Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A birthday celebration that goes horribly wrong.  
> The last straw that makes her leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, you knew it was bound to happen. But, it means that it will start to get better ;)
> 
> A huge thanks to my beta-readers, (this wouldn't be possible without you!!) and to all of you keeping up with my erratic posting of chapters :)
> 
> The title of the chapter is a song from Springsteen, which you may, or may not, remember that had an important mention some chapters ago (Scully quoting some line of this song at her wedding vows, Melissa giving the album to Scully when she started working with Mulder...) Go check the song if you haven't ;)

(October 2013)

 

Scully couldn't take it anymore. She had already anticipated it, and little by little her worst fears had become real.

 

Mulder had promised it wouldn't happen, he would behave, he would listen… But as much as he tried at first, he just stopped at some point. No matter what, she would manage some way to get him out of the office, to take him outside, to try and make him believe that the colonization wasn't coming. That the date had passed, that no Armageddon had befallen Earth, that they were safe and sound. And he believed her and felt alright, but only for a while. Then whatever piece of news would send him spiraling again. Whatever plan "they" had, was still going on. They had given him a false date so that he forgot and couldn't stop it. He needed to be ready when they came.

"Mulder, they are not coming," she repeated over and over, trying to get the message straight to his senses.

"They are, Scully. I need to save you, I need to save _us_ ," he would yell and retreat to his office.

If only he could understand the way to save _them_ was to stay away from that room.

She had tried giving him some medication to calm him down, she had even tried to convince him to go to therapy, unable as she was to make him see his problem. He needed a specialist. But he wouldn't listen to reason. And he couldn't be fooled to be drugged without his knowledge. He was so clever and such a fool at the same time.

 

On his 52nd birthday, Scully tried to take him out. They hadn't been on a date for heaven knows how long. Mulder was always busy with one thing or another, and wouldn't be bothered to dress up and leave the house. But he had compromised to be free to spend the day with her on his birthday. It was a Sunday, so she wouldn't have to work, and they could spend the whole day together. He really wasn't one to celebrate, but she had really been persistent and he had agreed. He would shower, and shave, and they would have dinner at a nice restaurant in town. She kept reminding him during the week, and he seemed fine with it.

She should have realised it wasn't going to go well when she woke up early that day, ready to give him some well deserved morning sex but found herself alone in bed. Scully sighed and, grabbing a robe, went downstairs. Of course, she found him sitting on the office floor.

Moving the desk to the living room had been his doing, and it had worked for a while. It wasn't that she didn't dare disturb him when he was in his lair, but being out in the open made him more aware of her. Every time she went up and down the stairs he'd look up and notice her. When she lounged at the couch he would hear her and join her. When he heard her cluttering in the kitchen he would go help her. But somehow he managed to retreat back to his office without moving the desk. He would just sit on the floor beside the printer feeding him material. Just as he found him that morning.

"Mulder, you promised!"

"I know, I know. I got up early to finish something. I'll give you my full attention in exactly 30 minutes," he added looking at his watch. "Just get back to bed. I'll be with you right away."

Half an hour became sixty minutes, and those rapidly became two hours. When he finally got out of his office she had already had breakfast and was reading on the couch. He was sorry for the umpteenth time and promised he would focus on her for the rest of the day. Somehow he managed to do so. Scully sensed that his mind wasn't fully with her all the time. But it was more than she had hoped that morning, so she was ok with it.

They prepared lunch together, ate sharing a nice conversation and for a long time Scully felt like they were a couple again, and not just two almost strangers who were sharing a roof. It had started almost a year before, in Thanksgiving, when Mulder had not showed up for dinner at her mother's home. He had forgotten, he said when she had arrived home later. He hadn't taken her calls and she had been slightly worried something might have happened to him. But she knew better, and she kept waiting for him to show up.

Since that day, it started happening more and more often. He forgot what day it was. Sometimes he was surprised to see her around the house, or not seeing her, mistaking weekdays with weekends. He had forgotten about Valentine's day, and her birthday. Not that he had usually been the most thoughtful person, but in the last years he had at least not forgotten the important dates. Technology, he would have said. But apparently his phone had stopped reminding him things lately. In fact, he would completely forget about his phone, leaving it unattended for days.

For that she was grateful on his birthday. He wouldn't use his phone to check for emails or the news. As long as she kept him away from his office, everything would be fine.

He offered to clean the dishes and they went for a walk outside. The days were getting shorter and colder, and it had been long since they had walked around together. It was nice to hold his hand, grab his waist, have his hand on her shoulder. Watching the minutes go by with no worries between them.

Scully was happy. She had managed somehow to take him out of his mind for a little while. He said it time and time again. She was the light in his darkness. She could do it, of that she was sure. She would get him out again. Today it was just the beginning.

When the sun started to set, they went back to get ready for dinner.

"I'm gonna hit the shower first," Scully announced walking upstairs. She noticed Mulder kept walking after her. "Unless you want to join me…" she tried, not really convinced he would be up for it.

She hadn't been getting the most of him in the sex department either, and so was happily surprised at his words.

"I think I'll do," he quickly said taking off his shirt and following her into the bathroom.

Mulder closed the door behind him and didn't wait for her to be fully undressed to pull her up over the sink. He started kissing her eagerly, roughly, maybe even a little too much. Not that she really cared. It had been so long. They'd been needing this vent for weeks.

It was all going to get better. She just needed to keep trying, not giving up. She was going to have him away from his darkness for that whole day, and then she'd drag him out, yes, she would.

He unclasped her bra on her back, fumbling a little because of his rush, and she felt him nibbling a little to hard at her neck.

"Hey, be careful there, I don't want to need a turtleneck tomorrow." She pushed him a little to calm him down while she got rid of her bra.

Mulder grabbed the hem of her panties and started to pull them down, her having to get down on her feet to get them off.

"No," he growled, "stay up there," he added sitting her back up on the vanity unit and kneeling immediately, placing his head between her thighs and making her instantly forget about anything wrong going on between them.

But something wasn't completely right. His tongue at her center felt amazing, his scratchy beard painfully pleasant, and he kept digging his index finger inside her in that way that usually made her go off instantly. But somehow now it wasn't. She was sensing her release was close but out of reach.

Resting her head on the mirror behind her, Scully finally gave up. That hadn't happened in a long time. Sometimes when she was nervous or too tired she couldn't get it. She needed a change. Scully gently pulled Mulder away and got on her feet, turning around and facing the mirror.

"Sorry… was I… doing it wrong?" she heard his worried voice behind her while he traced her spine downwards with his moist finger. It gave shivers all over her body.

Scully looked up. The face in the mirror was all wrong. The bags under his eyes were huge, his beard messy and his eyes looked so scared. He was blaming himself, he thought he had forgotten how to please her.

"No, no, I'm just a little on edge." She smiled reassuringly and she could see him calm down. "Now, get in."

It had been a while since she had felt him filling her up. The sensation was overwhelming and she thought she was gonna get it. But still no. Fuck, what was wrong with her? Wasn't that what she had been wanting?

Mulder started pounding her from behind and she looked at their reflection in the mirror as she had done dozens of other times. Something was still not right. Scully was enjoying it, but it was like they were not them. She eventually closed her eyes and rested her body only on her left hand at the sink, he right hand slipping down finding her bundle of nerves hot, hard and ready. As she started rubbing around it she felt her release building up again. Mulder whispering her name at her ear, thrusting in and out of her with everything he had.

Scully started to worry. What if she didn't get there before he did? He'd be devastated if he left her hanging. She was starting to think she might need to fake it when it suddenly hit her.

"Thank God," she whispered. "Mulder, fuck!" she couldn't help yelling while her whole body writhed. She could feel her insides tightening around Mulder and he was immediately off too, yelling her name and digging his fingers at her waist.

Her sense of released relief was doubled and she couldn't believe how bad she had felt during the whole thing. It wasn't supposed to be this hard, was it? They had never had to work this much. They were good at this. They used to be, at least. They were just out of practice, she thought finally getting up, and moving to the shower. They would be back to themselves in no time. They just needed to work on it.

 

Of course, Mulder finished getting dressed before she did, as much as she tried to hurry. She was getting her hair done when he was up and ready.

"It'll be just a minute, ok?" she promised, and heard him leave the room. "Don't you dare enter the office, do you hear me?" she yelled at him from the bathroom.

"Don't worry Doc, I'll wait in the car," he answered hurrying down the stairs.

Scully tried her best to be quick and just a couple minutes later she was running down the stairs, luckily not twisting an ankle thanks to her years of practice. She headed outside to the car, whose lights were already on, and sat swiftly on the passenger seat, just to find herself alone inside. Only then she realised there was a dim light coming out from the office. The bastard had fooled her. She honked the car and waited for a while. She'd give him a minute. Maybe he hadn't heard her. She honked again and waited. And waited. Until she decided to call home. She didn't feel like going back and forth again. And they were already late for their reservation.

"Mulder, you said you were going to wait in the car," she declared calmly once he miraculously picked the phone. "You are _not_ in the car."

"Uhm, yeah, uhm… it was taking you a while so I thought…"

"No, it wasn't. It took me exactly 3 minutes."

Of course she didn't know how long it had taken her to comb her hair a little and place her earrings, but surely it hadn't been _a while_.

"C'mon, we are already late," she honked the car to make her point and sighed trying not to get angrier.

Again she waited, and again he didn't show up. Finally she gave up and went back inside. Leaning on the doorpost of the office she stood looking at Mulder for half an hour more, before he even realised she was there.

"So, are you ready to go?" he said looking up at her and back down to his papers. He didn't even notice she had been crying and that her make up was all over her face.

"Mulder, I was ready an hour ago," she started serenely to explain. "We've lost our reservation, and it's now so late… You are not even listening, are you?"

"Hm? I'll be out in a sec," was his answer, delivered without taking his eyes from his papers.

"Yes, I'm sure you will. I'm going to bed, Mulder. Good night."

Tears started flooding her eyes again as she came down from her heels and reached for the stairs.

Scully wasn't surprised when, the next morning, she found Mulder's side of the bed exactly as it had been the night before.

That was the last straw. She couldn't take it anymore. She didn't know what else to do. With no more resources at her hand, she could only choose the way out. She had been pondering it for a while, but she felt it was such a coward thing to do. So she kept trying, and trying, and trying. But there was nothing else to do, no more aces up her sleeve.

It was affecting her well-being. She had lost weight, wasn't sleeping well. People at work, even those she didn't know so well, had been asking her for months if she was sick. She didn't visit her mother fearing she would notice something wasn't right. She didn't want to worry her, she didn't want to accept defeat.

But that day was different. That morning everything changed. She was absolutely drained. She had no strength to even pack her things. Scully grabbed her weekend bag and pushed a couple suits, shirts and some comfy clothes inside. Then she got her work briefcase, her car keys and headed out.

On her way to the car she stopped by the office door, which Mulder had half-closed at some point during the night. She didn't want to leave him without saying something, but she didn't have the guts to face him. If she did, he'd probably apologize once again, promising to change, to make everything right this time. Even when she knew it wasn't the truth, she'd believe him. And she'd be dragged down the rabbit hole once more. She'd tried reasoning with him so many times during that last year. And he had always convinced her that he was going to change. Which he never did.

She decided to just say goodbye. She knocked lightly on the door, opening it.

"Mulder, I'm… leaving," she started with half a voice.

"Alright, Doc. See you later. Have a nice day."

"No, Mulder I mean…"

He didn't even look at her, again. He had managed to remove his fancy clothes. He had hung them not very tidily around the office. The jacket was on the door knob, the shirt and the pantsuit over a chair full of newspapers. She wondered where he had kept the sport pants he was wearing. But she pushed the thought away. No. She had to stop. She had made up her mind.

She needed to clear herself, gather her strength, and then she'd be back to save him from himself. Just as she always did. Yes, she'd be back when she was better.

"Hey, we're having fancy dinner tonight, right?" she heard him when she was almost at the front door.

Scully couldn't even answer him. She felt he might be way beyond saving by now. She wondered what she was going to do. She was going to need all the help in the world to get him out of himself. But she couldn't think of anybody who would understand. Who would take the alien colonization reason behind his craziness as the real threat that it could have been and not push Mulder directly into the loony bin?

As she drove away, her words from a couple years back were deafening inside her mind "Even though our steps might fall differently, we've always helped each other stay in stride" That song, that fucking song. She blamed Melissa for it, for making her feel that she should be staying a little longer.

 

———

 

Mulder felt suddenly hungry, and tried to push the feeling away. He was onto something, he wanted to finish reading that bunch of articles before dinner. Besides, he hadn't yet heard Scully come in, so it wouldn't be that late. But, after a while, his stomach started growling like crazy, and he decided to go and grab a quick bite. Maybe he hadn't had enough for lunch. Wait a minute, had he had lunch?

Leaving the stack of papers by his side, he got up from the floor. Groaning from his slightly numb legs, he started moving. He was getting a little too old to be sitting on the floor. Maybe he could take the desk back inside… No, there was a good reason why it was in the main room. He should just make the effort to leave the office once the printer stopped spitting out the pages he sent it. He just should wait until they were all printed to start reading, instead of sitting down the floor and get one after the other.

On his way to the kitchen, he noticed there was an unknown piece of paper on the clear desk. A note. He grabbed it, confused. A note from Scully.

"You've pushed me out so far away that I don't know how to reach you anymore," he started reading. "I won't be coming back soon. You need to make an effort," her writing became more erratic there. "I can't stay around, watching you destroy yourself without being able to help you. I love you. But I can't go on like this. I'll wait for you. But, please, don't fall behind for too long."

Only then he noticed the couple little dark circles at the bottom. Dried tears. He had made her cry.

Mulder dropped on the chair and leaned forward, defeated. His forefront resting on his hands. The cold material of his ring suddenly noticed by the touch to his forehead skin. The scream came out by itself as he angrily grabbed the jewel with his right hand and threw it out on the air. It hit the wall by his side with a clinging sound and then fell to the floor, breaking apart in two pieces.

 _Tungsten carbide. Strong but brittle_.

He should have kept that in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon, it's gonna be a couple chapters more until they are together again, but the heartbreak is mostly over :P


	7. Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully, Maggie and Mulder copying with the turmoil of the first days after the split

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First words go to my lovely betas Admiralty & ATTHS_TWICE for their invaluable help in making my writing more readable. Secondly, a special shoutout to agentwhalesong for her lovely comments on previous chapters these last days that gave the courage I was missing to post this next chapter. And, last but not least, LOTS OF LOVE to each and all of you readers <3

  
****

_(November 2013)_

 

"Dana? It's mom," she heard, half asleep, on the other side of the phone.

Scully was completely exhausted when she got back from work and she couldn't help falling asleep as soon as she sat on the sofa. She had a quick glance at the wall clock. It was after 7. She must have been napping for over an hour.

The nights were rough since she had left her home, and she hadn't been sleeping well for too long. Even on that comfortable hotel bed she'd been using for the last couple weeks, she wasn't feeling completely rested. There was something missing. That warm embracing body she had grown too used to.

"Hi mom, is everything ok?" she finally answered getting up and heading for the bathroom to splash some water over her face to wake up fully.

She hadn't spoken to her mom in more than two weeks. Scully hadn't gathered the strength yet to tell her about Mulder, and she doubted she ever would. The sad feeling inside her had started to slowly fade, but the guilt was still piling up inside her.

"I've been calling you at home for a couple days but I got no answer. And now it's not even giving a tone. Is your landline ok?"

Mulder must have pulled the plug. A scary feeling started growing deep down her gut. He wouldn't do anything stupid, would he?

"Yes, I… we've been having some phone trouble lately, the company should be coming soon to fix it, but, you know…"

"Yeah, inconveniences of living in the middle of nowhere," Maggie finished her sentence.

Scully hated lying to her mother. But there was no way she could tell her what had happened, what was happening, over the phone. She might go to mass next Sunday. She might start seeking God's pardon for what she'd done. Maybe it would help her sleep better.

"So, I was calling to let you know that Bill is coming home for Thanksgiving this year. Isn't it great? I wasn't expecting them, he had said they were so busy, but finally he's managed to get some days to come visit. So, I just wanted to confirm that you and Fox will be here too as usual."

They would have no reason not to be. Since Mulder had been cleared from the Most Wanted List, they had spent every Thanksgiving with her mom, Mulder not having any family or friends left.

"Uhm, yes, I think so. I'll let you know."

She would have to tell her, sooner or later. But now she was getting anxious… She could take her mother's reaction. She'd get angry, maybe she'd ask her to go back. Maybe she'd even understand. But Bill… Scully was expecting him to be both delighted that they were finally over, but also angry as hell for _Mr. Mulder_ to have made her suffer once more. She felt sick just thinking about facing him.

"Great. We'll talk soon, Dana. Love you, dear," Maggie started saying her goodbyes, probably noticing she wasn't especially chatty.

They had been slightly distant for the last few months, Scully not wanting to show her sick state of body and mind. But she guessed it was high time to get over it. Thanksgiving was less than a month away, and she had to talk to her mother before that. She needed to get it out of her as soon as possible.

"Uhm, I… Mom, I think I'll join you for Church this Sunday, is that ok?" Scully tested the waters. Maybe by some lucky event her mom would not be in town, and she'd have another week to get herself together.

"Oh, Dana, that would be lovely! Father McCue will be glad to see you again."

 _I wouldn't count on that_ , Scully thought. It's not among a wife's best behaviour to leave their husbands when they most need them, right?

 

* * *

 

As soon as Margaret saw her daughter sitting down beside her at the pew, she instantly knew something was wrong. No amount of makeup, nicely pressed clothes, or forced smile would fool her. But also because of all the effort Dana had put in disguising herself, Maggie realized it was going to be difficult to get her daughter to talk. She had probably been slightly late at the service to prevent that confrontation. It was not like her daughter either to be late to places. But Dana wouldn't be able to escape her mom once the Father uttered the last Amen.

"We'll talk later," Maggie whispered at her ear to make sure she understood she wasn't going to escape, before getting up to listen to the word of God.

 

 

Margaret couldn't believe her daughter had left her in the dark for so many months. She was sure if she had known what was happening she could have been able to help her, to help them both. Still, it wasn't too late, she was determined to fix it. She wasn't going to let her daughter run away.

Maggie wasn't really angry at her, she understood, she was not even disappointed. Well, that maybe a little. But Dana had never been one to deal well with feelings. And over the years, she had gathered that Fox wasn't either. It had taken them so long to get together the first time. Something she had known would happen even before her daughter told her, probably even before Dana knew it herself. Back when she had almost been taken from her by her cancer, maybe even when she had been kidnapped. In those early years Margaret already knew that they were meant for each other. And she still believed it now. Back then she had left them to work things out their way. But now she wouldn't. It might take them another seven years to fix that mess. And as much as she didn't want to think about it, she might not have that long. She was determined to leave this world knowing that her daughter was happy and taken care of.

That was what she kept thinking while she packed some Thanksgiving leftovers in her kitchen. She was going to drive to Farrs Corner and visit Fox. She had really missed him so much the night before. Maggie had grown so used to his presence, he felt like another one of her sons. Now that Charlie rarely visited and with Bill living so far away, she loved having him and Dana around. It made her so sad seeing her daughter so shattered. Even though Dana managed to hide it —she wanted to make sure Bill was still unaware of what was going on— Margaret could see the light in her eyes was shining more dimly. Not even Marcie's thrilled questions about her job managed to lift her up. The young girl's enthusiasm with medicine always cheered Dana up, but this time the girl didn't get complete attention from her aunt.

"Are you planning on driving on your own?" Maggie was suddenly startled by Tara's voice.

"Oh, my… Tara!" She tried to quickly compose herself. "I thought you were gone to the parade?" Maggie turned around and tried to hide the lunch boxes she was preparing.

"I sent Bill, Dana and the kids away. Told them I wasn't feeling well. Are you ready?"

Maggie wasn't understanding.

"Ugh, Dana told me," Tara explained. "There's no way she could hide her misery from me. Luckily Bill is completely oblivious to female feelings, because otherwise she'd be in big trouble," she snorted pulling her car keys from her purse. "I'll drive you if you lead the way."

"Ok, but you can't tell Dana. I'm still not sure about her being ok with me visiting Fox, but I gotta make sure he is ok," she delivered while putting all the lids down and filling a bag with all the boxes.

Maggie was in fact relieved not to have to drive herself. It was not that she couldn't, but the trip to Farrs Corner was quite a long one, longer than what she was used to doing lately.

 

 

"I'll wait here. Don't want to upset him," Tara said turning off the car and picking her phone from her purse to pass the time.

She had stopped the car at the front of the lovely house in the countryside. It wasn't that lovely now, though. It needed some fixing. The gutters seemed to need some cleaning. The banister and the outside walls could benefit from a new coat of paint. And the garden had disappeared, a weed camp growing all around instead. It wasn't the work of a fortnight, though. That all seemed to have been running that way for months. Maggie understood Dana a little bit more now. She just hoped she was not too late.

Margaret grabbed the grocery bag from the back seat and headed inside.

"Fox?" she called pulling the outside door and pushing the mesh. "Fox, it's Margaret. Are you here?"

The house was completely silent. It hadn't crossed her mind that maybe he wouldn't be home. From what she had gathered from Dana, it seemed like he wasn't one to leave the house lately.

"Scully?" he heard him call from another room, followed by some cluttering and Fox materialized with a ghostly face.

He was a mess. His beard had grown wild and untamed for Heaven knows how long. His t-shirt looked worn out for days, as well as the pajama pants he had underneath. He was barefoot, and Maggie wondered if he couldn't feel the cold. In fact, it was quite chillyinside the house.

"I… sorry for the mess, Mrs Scully," he finally reacted and started trying to clean the main room, picking clothes from here and there, mugs, and other thousand misplaced items. "Scully… Dana is not here, you may want to call her on that…" He stopped when one of the mugs he had grabbed slipped from his grasp and hit the floor, breaking in pieces and pooling the remains of a long forgotten coffee on the floor.

Maggie rushed to the kitchen area to leave the bags she had brought and grabbed a dish towel. She came back to him and, though he asked her not to, she started cleaning the floor, and snatched everything he was holding.

"Sit on the sofa a minute, ok? I'll take care of everything,"

She set the teapot on the cooker and cleaned some dishes that had been left in the sink while the water boiled. It was going to take more than a quick visit to fix everything around, but she tried to make the most of the little time she had.

There was an absolute silence in the house, and every tap and clap she did while doing the dishes was deafening.

"Fox, do you mind if I turn on the radio?" she tentatively asked taking a couple steps out the kitchen.

"I can do that," his answer was as quick as his body getting up from the couch and approaching the music station.

Maggie smiled at him getting back to the stove where the teapot was starting to whistle. A couple seconds later she heard a bluegrass tune coming from the stereo, he had even chosen a station specifically for her. Maggie sighed. The man was really nice, he just had to work a little on his social skills.

As soon as the teas were ready she headed to the living room and sat beside Fox. It took them a while to start talking, he wasn't really in the mood. Maggie could see how sad and ashamed he was. She really wanted to calm him down and reassure him, but she didn't want to sound condescending.

"I don't think she's left because she doesn't love you," she suddenly said, leaving her half empty mug on the coffee table. "She'll be back."

"Maybe she shouldn't," Fox replied quietly, leaving his empty mug beside hers."I'm a messy person, I've always been. I've done nothing but bring her pain." He kept staring at his hands that seemed to have a life of their own rubbing his knees every now and then. "She should have left earlier."

"Life is messy, Fox. And you've brought her so much happiness and love…"

She could see how nervous and uncomfortable he still was, probably she wasn't the person he wanted or needed at the moment, but she doubted he had anyone else. Maggie really needed to make sure that he was ok. It broke her heart to see him in pain and so lost in himself. Probably hearing all that from her would make him feel better.

"She won't stop loving you. You are meant for each other. You just need to get better."

Maggie grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly, letting him know that she loved him. He had apologized endlessly for all the pain he had caused to the family, even though Maggie always told him it was not his fault. Somehow he still blamed himself after all those years.

"Sorry I can't stay any longer, but I gotta be back home." She hated having to leave, but if she stayed for too long Bill and Dana would start suspecting, and she couldn't have that.

Maggie rose from the couch and grabbed her coat.

"I, uhm, brought some leftovers," she said pointing to the fridge. "I poured an extra spoonful of gravy," she smiled at him and she could see the gratefulness in his eyes.

They hadn't spent so many Thanksgivings together, but she always made sure to make a gesture for him, preparing his favorite side dish, or giving him the biggest or juiciest slice.

"You didn't need to…" he started, "but thank you so much," he finished when she was about to admonish him.

"Take care of yourself, ok?" Maggie took a step forward and hugged him with all that she had. He was such a tall guy she had to stand on her toes to kiss his cheek when she retreated from the hug. "Whatever happens you are part of the family, I told you so decades ago and it still stands. You'll always be welcomed at my home," she added grabbing his hand again.

Fox had always been a close contact man, especially with her daughter, but also with herself. He always hugged her when he arrived at her place, sat close to her, spoke his mind… However, now he was retreating, he kept his distance. Fox had already given up. Maggie felt so sad and hoped she could help him get back on his feet with a little time. She hugged him again in the hopes that she would make her message come across. It was not the end, he could still fight. At that second hug she felt him relax a little and he finally hugged her back.

"Thank you," he muttered, and she was pleased with herself.

Maggie finally showed herself out, him following all the way until she opened the door and stepped outside. She heard him gasp and tense again.

"Oh, don't worry, no one else knows we are here," she realized he must have seen Tara in the car and would be thinking about Bill. "She realised where I was going and insisted in joining me. Thank the Lord, it would have been a real tedious drive on my own. But this will be our little secret," she reassured him.

Maggie always knew how worried Fox was about Bill. Even though they knew Dana didn't care at all what her older brother thought, Fox seemed to keep trying to impress him and to get along with him. Lately they had been moving closer, but it would all be back to square one if Bill found out he had upset Dana. That's why all of them had decided to keep it from him. Dana had told the family that Mulder couldn't be there on Thanksgiving because he was working on something important, and Bill either had bought it or didn't care anymore.

Tara noticed them on the porch and quickly left the car approaching them. She effusively hugged Fox and then revealed a folded piece of paper.

"Everything will be alright, I'm sure about it. Maybe this will help. She's a friend of my therapist and seems to be highly regarded."

Tara grabbed his hand and placed the paper on his palm, closing his fist around it and hugging it with both her hands.

"I know it might look silly at first, but I can tell you from experience it is a real help to be able to talk to somebody." Tara looked at Maggie and added, "I almost left Bill when all the kids started going to school, and therapy saved me and my marriage. Hopefully it'll help you too. Just give it a try, ok?"

She hugged him again and got going.

"What is it with my children that they seem not to be able to talk to me about their problems?" Maggie mumbled on her way back to the car.

"Bill didn't want for you to worry," Tara replied sitting on the driver's seat and putting hersafety belt. "Don't tell him anything, though, he would be upset."

 

* * *

 

Mulder stood on the porch until he saw the grey car disappear in the distance and then finally moved back inside. He hadn't talked to another soul in two weeks, and that little time he had spent with his mother-in-law he had realised how much he missed being with people. But now he could only think about getting in his house, closing the door and not letting anybody in, ever again. That was completely wrong, and he knew it. Maybe Tara was right, maybe he needed help.

He collapsed on the couch and unfolded the piece of paper that Tara had given him. Did he really need therapy? For fucks sake, hadn't all those years at Oxford taught him anything about the human mind? Wasn't he savvy enough to pull himself out of that black hole in which he had let himself slip into? Of course not. Sometimes it felt like he had only learned one lesson in his UK years: that he shouldn't trust women. And even that one he kept forgetting. He crumpled the paper in his right hand and flew it away. No, he was not going to entrust his mental health to a _Shirley Brown_. He was done trusting women. They were all devilish fiends.

The music station that he had selected for Maggie started then playing a slightly more upbeat song, and a delicate female voice started singing lyrics that stabbed him right in the heart.

> _Once I had myself a good woman.  
>  But I just didn't treat her right._

Fuck it. Fuck it all. Who was he trying to fool? He knew, he had always known that Scully was the best thing that had ever happened to him. The only person that had trusted him, that he had trusted. The only person that had followed him to the ends of the world and back, again and again. The one that had sacrificed everything for him. Suddenly he thought that it was high time that he did something for her. Even if it might be a little too late. He owed it to her, not to make her or her family ever need to take care of him.

> _Now she's gone._  
>  I realize I lost the best thing there is.    
>  _And my pride keeps tellin' me._  
>  Let your loss be your lesson

Mulder got up from the couch and picked up the wrinkled paper from the dusty floor.A piece of red fuzzy hair was stuck to the paper and he blew it with a mix of sadness and anger. Scully had left like what seemed a lifetime ago, but she was still imprinted all around. Mulder smoothed out the paper with a sigh and left it beside the landline. He'd start by cleaning the mess that was the house, and then he'd make an appointment with Dr. Brown. Or maybe he should shower first, he smelled like shit. He also had to get some food, his stomach reminded him too. Suddenly he went from not wanting to move, to needing to do a thousand things at the same time. He was overwhelmed and felt a little dizzy.

Walking to the kitchen he grabbed the grocery list, that still had Scully's handwritten "milk" on it, tore off the first page and started making a list of all the things that needed to be done. Well, at least now he hadsomething to start with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to listen to the song, you can head to the Spotify list containing all the songs to these chapter :)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/2shailah/playlist/5G7MNUaibnJhQKmu9LtdNf


	8. Little Lion Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully has a flashback memory to her last relationship before Mulder and finally decides on visiting him for the first time after the breakup. There's "another lady" keeping him company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the beta-work @ATTHS_Twice & @AsterBerenboss , you girls are the best <3

_**August 1993** _

 

"Dana, can I talk to you?" Scully heard Ethan's voice on the other side of her living room.

"Sure, sweetheart," Scully replied without taking her eyes from the laptop.

She'd been typing for most of the afternoon, and she almost had her report ready. It was supposedly finished when she left the office the day before. But something came to her mind on that sunny Sunday morning and she had been checking references and noting down her ideas so they wouldn't escape her. Scully would have to update her report first thing when she arrived at the basement the following day. She might even need to get up earlier than usual to have some extra time.

The idea of sharing with Mulder what she had found about that experimental drug, thrilled her to a point she wouldn't dare telling her partner. She was supposed to be the calm one, the one to reign him in. Instead, this time she felt like the one to push him further on a case they had been told to stop looking into. Several times.

But she just couldn't let it go. He had been drugged, as well as some pilots. This was not to be discarded lightly. Scully thought the government must have a reason for their actions, but they couldn't be above the law, right? No citizen should be treated like that, tampered with in that awful way. It was the first time her partner had been in real danger since they had started working together, and the case did a number on her. She felt the need to dig further.

Mulder was going to be so delighted. Her superiors probably wouldn't. The case had been officially closed, she had been the one to do it. And now she was really looking forward to opening it again. That was the nature of the X-Files, right? She had been working in that unit for five months, and only now she started to get a grasp of how it really worked.

Scully had pondered calling Mulder that morning when she remembered that little detail about the drug. She had even picked up the phone, but immediately stopped herself. First she'd do her research, get her facts before setting his thoughts on fire. It was the right thing to do. Besides, he might have something better to do on a Sunday morning than listening to her theories. Well, probably not. But she didn't want to bother him. It could wait until Monday.

"Dana?" she heard Ethan's voice again.

"Yeah, tell me, I'm listening." She kept typing, not wanting to lose her trail of thought.

"No, you aren't. Is it too much, to ask for my girlfriend’s complete attention for a couple of minutes?" She thought she noticed a hint of anger in his voice. That was rare.

Ethan was the sweetest man she had ever dated. The only sweet man, now that she thought about it. She hadn't been choosing her men very wisely, always falling in love with earnest older guys. Ethan was nothing like that. He was a lovely man, even slightly younger than her for more of a change, and Scully had surprised herself falling so deep for him.

"You ok?" She finished the sentence she was typing and turned to look at him.

Ethan was sitting on the couch, frowning, arms crossed. Nope, he wasn't ok.

"You seem worried." Scully finally got up from her desk and approached him, sitting by his side.

"You've been so distant this weekend and you had promised to have it free, for ourselves. I barely saw you on Saturday and today you've had your eyes glued to your laptop." He looked directly into her eyes, and Scully could see sadness and worry on him. "Well, in fact, that's been going on for a while. I don't think I like your new assignment," he paused for a second. "Ever since you've been working with _Spooky Mulder_ I have barely seen you. And it's been six months."

"I'm sorry, I just…"

"Six months, Dana!" He bursted, getting up from the couch. "You've been completely immersed in your job for six months!" He flounced back and forth. "You need to step out a little, that's not healthy. And it's definitely not helping our situation here." Ethan sat on the sofa again, defeated.

"What situation?" She had no knowledge about any situation going on between them. They had been together for about two years and it had been the healthiest relationship she had ever had. Aside from what Missy said, Scully could see this relationship lasting, she didn't feel trapped, she really cared about Ethan. It had not been an infatuation caused by awe for a superior figure. Ethan had been her friend for quite some time before they got together. And everything was perfectly fine.

Or so she thought. The look in his eyes said something completely different.

Maybe, just maybe, he was right. She had been a little too preoccupied with her new assignment, but they had talked about it before she had started working with Mulder. She had made it clear, and Ethan had agreed, that she would have to work hard if she wanted to make an impression at the FBI. Ethan had encouraged her, told her that he was sure she was going to get far. But now he was pulling her down. She couldn't understand.

"This has been going on for too long, and I'm tired of complaining, and begging you to spend time with me." His voice was soft and calm, but she could see his lips quivering.

Scully knew he was right. Ever since that first case in March, she had been cancelling on Ethan repeatedly. It was not her fault, though. That was how an FBI agent's life was. She was on duty 24/7 and she couldn't help it.

Scully had no response for him. Any attempt of denial would be false. She could only say she was sorry and promise to be there for him next weekend. Yes, she'd make sure to tell Mulder she wouldn't be working then.

"You are drifting away," Ethan interrupted her before she could reply, "and I can't get a hold on you. Either you focus on us a little bit more or I'm out of here."

What? Just like that? She couldn't believe it. That was completely out of the blue.

"Ethan, you're not making sense. We talked about this when I joined the field unit. This job is important to me, I gotta focus."

"Just the job," Ethan snorted.

"What are you implying?" She couldn't believe it.

"I'm not implying anything. Facts speak for themselves. You're always, _'Mulder this, Mulder that'_ ," he was as serious as ever.

"He is my partner, of course I end up speaking about him, we spend a lot of time together."

Scully couldn't believe she was having to explain herself. Surely, if Mulder was a woman, Ethan would have no problem at all. But she wouldn't say that. He seemed too pissed right now, maybe she'd wait until he calmed down to speak to his rational mind. This was coming out of nowhere. Her relationship with Mulder was just a professional one, and Ethan knew it.

"That's the thing. He is your priority, and I'm not." Ethan got up from the sofa and grabbed his jacket. "I'm sorry this didn't work out." And with that, he walked out of her apartment and of her life to never come back.

Only then did she realize that some of the things he had had in her apartment were already gone. His CDs and vinyls were not mixed with hers and none of his movies were on the shelf either. Scully got up and checked her bedroom. Her wardrobe no longer helda dozen of his shirts. There was no underwear in the drawer she had for him. When had he taken all of his things? Why hadn't she noticed?

 

"Hey, good morning Scully", Mulder's voice greeted her even before she entered his office in the basement. Of course, who else could it be but her down there?

"Good morning, Mulder," she replied tiredly, leaving her briefcase on a chair and placing her coat at the back of it before sitting on the chair beside it. "Anything new today?" She asked him somewhat absent-mindedly.

"Yes, I've been notified by the Oklahoma field-office… are you ok?" His voice changed and when she looked up, he was staring at her. "You don't seem ok, are you sick?"

"I… I didn't sleep well last night. My, uhm… boyfriend left me." That last sentence kind of slipped her tongue. Why was she telling him? They didn't know each other thatwell, and they didn't speak much about their personal lives.

"That _Ethan whatever_? He's an asshole," Mulder immediately dropped the file he was holding and crossed his hands below his chin.

"I didn't know you knew him." Scully was surprised. She had talked to Ethan about Mulder on several occasions. Of course Ethan knew about Mulder, he was a newsman, and quite good at his job. But he had never mentioned that they knew each other.

"No, I don't. But I had to check him out when you started working here. You know, government conspiracies and all." He must have noticed how paranoid he had sounded because he added that last sentence quickly. "Don't get me wrong, the background check came out right. I mean that anybody who has the nerve of dumping Dana Katherine Scully must either be blind or plain stupid," he smiled at her showing his nicest grin.

"Thank you," Scully found herself smiling back at the compliment. Mulder could be really weird, but he also had it in him to be a nice guy.

Maybe Ethan was right, maybe she spent more time with Mulder than necessary. But all the people she had saved and continued saving thanks to their partnership... it was completely worth it. She would miss Ethan terribly, but she was on a mission to make the world a better place, to put each and every scoundrel she could find behind bars. Her love life would have to wait.

 

**_(April 2014)_ **

 

Scully was sitting on the couch in her new place, not knowing exactly why that particular memory had come to mind. Or maybe she knew but did not want to recognize that what had happened to her and Ethan was exactly what had happened to her and Mulder, only the other way around. She hadn't noticed what was going on while she was so focused on her job, just as Mulder hadn't noticed what was going on around him. Had she been too hasty in leaving him? He didn't deserve that, he was just trying to save the world, just as she had been. Only she was doing it right, and Mulder was trying to chase aliens who never appeared.

It was different, right? She had tried to help him, to get him out of his nonsense, and he hadn't listened. Ethan hadn't given her any time to adjust. Scully sighed. Probably he had, and she hadn't listened. Grabbing her car keys, she left the apartment.

The one hour drive to Farrs Corner settled her mind, and she almost turned around and went back home.

Scully knew where this was coming from. She was missing Mulder. Horribly. Half a year had gone by and she still couldn't get him out off her head. She was just looking for a reason to forgive him and be back at their house… Only she wasn't sure he'd want the same. Surely he would still be angry at her, he wouldn't take her back.

A lot of thoughts muddled her mind and she couldn't make heads or tails about where she stood. Did she really want to be back? Or did she want to completely cut Mulder out? What would he want? She needed to focus on herself before even considering going back to him. And he needed to stop his self-destructive ways. That much was clear, though there were times when she just wished they both were fixed already.

Halfway there she decided the trip she had long been holding up was a completely necessary one. At least she needed to find out where they stood, where Mulder stood, and how he was doing. Maybe seeing him would clear her mind. They had spoken a couple times on the phone, her wanting to make sure he was alright. She tried keeping their interactions to a minimum so that he wouldn't drag her back in, something she was sure would happen if she wasn't careful. She cared too much about him, and he always found a way to convince her of almost anything and everything. Knowing her mother was visiting him on a monthly basis, and that he was seeing a therapist, soothed her mind enough to keep her needed distance.

The outside fence was closed, so Scully parked the car and walked the gravel road towards the house. She was happy to see that Mulder had mowed the garden fairly recently, the grass was only a couple inches tall. Some of the plants she had put in the ground a while back were magically still alive, though most of them were gone. Scully thought that probably had been her Mom’s doing, her green thumb had after all been inherited from her mother.

Mulder was sitting on the porch, reading and listening to music through earphones.The fact that he was sitting in what used to be her chair didn’t escape her. The one on the left, instead of the one on the right. He was taking the spot she used to be in. It either meant he missed her too, or that he wanted to delete her presence.

He seemed really focused on his book so she took a minute to inspect the surroundings as well as the garden. The porch was a bit unkempt, although the left handrail seemed to have been painted recently. It was quite unlike Mulder to start something and not finish it. But at least he had started the painting. Scully couldn't remember the last time he had painted the handrails. She had done it herself a couple years back on a sunny Sunday afternoon he had beentoo busy to spend with her.

Finally walking up the stairs, Scully noticed a couple bowls on the floor, containing water and some dog food. She never imagined Mulder as a dog person. They had talked some times about getting a dog, and although he wasn't against it,he didn't seem too eager, so they had never gotten one. And now he had a dog? She felt slightlyhurt.

"Hey, I didn't hear you coming," his surprised and soft voice startled her. Mulder had finally acknowledged her presence and was taking the earbuds out, leaving them and the book on the bamboo table by his side. "You look good, Doc."

He didn't sound angry, just a little sad, and he didn't get up to greet her.

It had been six months, with no visits, and almost no calls. She had removed herself from his life almost completely. It had been tough, and she doubted herself everyday for doing so. But she knew it was necessary, it was the only way.

Scully had dreaded the moment they would see each other again. She was so scared of him dragging her back into his dark place or being too angry that she'd lose him completely. But it didn't seem the case.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she tried a shy smile while she leaned on the banister in front of him. She needed to keep her distance to make him understand. This was just a friendly visit.

They kept looking at the floor between them, neither of them ready to speak first.

"You got a dog, Mulder?" She finally broke the silence, nodding at the bowls on the floor.

"No, that's Kitty Katie's," he said.

That was even weirder. A cat? Not that it really surprised her, he was more like an independent cat person, now that she thought about it. But she just couldn't imagine him with a cat on his lap. She glanced at him with a wondering look.

"She is a stray cat, she comes and goes. She popped in, out of the blue, a week after you…" he sighed with a slightly hurt voice and left the sentence unfinished. They both knew after what, it was probably too painful to say yet. "She usually comes around at this hour," he added taking a quick look at his watch. "You may get to see her if you stay a little while."

She wanted to stay for a long while, she wanted to be back, but she couldn't. She had made her decision and he surely wouldn't take her back. She had hurt him, probably more than he had hurt her by ignoring her for the previous years.

Scully wanted to tell him she was sorry, she hadn't wanted to hurt him. But then she remembered the relief she had felt when she had rented her new apartment, that first night knowing she could stay there for as long as she needed, a calm bright place, not having to come back to the darkness their home had become.

"Uhm, sorry, I'm a really bad host," he suddenly said,getting up. "Do you want a cup of coffee or tea, or… ?"

"No, no, that's ok, don't worry." She stopped him,raising her hand, and he sat back down. It was not like she didn't know her way around the house to get anything she might need. It was still their house, and she intended for it to stay that way.

She wondered for a moment if he'd want to get that changed. That was one of the million things they had to talk about, but she wondered if this was the right time. Was it too soon? Was she ready for the answer Mulder might give her?

Divorce and arranging their papers had crossed her mind a thousand times, but she didn't want to go there. Not yet at least. And truly, not ever. She kept wishing everything would be fixed, everything would be back to normal, even though she couldn't get herself to take a step back to do it. So here she was, testing the waters to see what his current mindset was like. She had no clue at all.

She used to be so good a reading Mulder's thoughts. But somewhere along the line she had completely lost that ability. Mulder was no longer an open book and it was killing her. They would need to discuss the hard stuff and she doubted either of them felt like it. If they kept dancing around like this, they would never move forward, backward, or in any direction for that matter.

The uncomfortable silence was suddenly broken by a loud meow at the base of the stairs.

"There she is," Mulder's voice got a less sombre tone. "Hello, Kitty Katie, we have a visitor today."

The cat jumped up the couple of steps and nestled briefly in the middle of the porch, looking directly at Scully. She was a beautiful little red cat. After studying Scully for a while, she jumped on Mulder's lap, without ceasing to stare at her, as if her presence was unwelcome and feared. She only closed her eyes when Mulder started scratching her behind her right ear.

Scully knew animals could sense human feelings, and she wondered if the cat was picking those feelings from Mulder. Or was it just a normal cat being distrustful about a person she didn't know?

"So… Are you ever coming back, or are you here to say goodbye?" Mulder suddenly blurted and it caught Scully by surprise. Apparently he knew her better than she knew him at this stage. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh," he added quickly. "I've been wondering a lot about where we stand… where you stand…"

"I… I don't know… yet," she stammered. _It all depends on you_ , she wanted to tell him, but she didn't really want to put all the pressure and blame on him. She also had her own demons to fight before they could get together again. "I still need some time." Scully visited him today ready to talk, but being in front of him made her realize it had never been their strong suit. She felt like she lacked the peace of mind to decide where to go, and how to tell him. "Maybe we could start by trying to be friends again?"

She missed him so much, about that she was sure. But she couldn't admit it either. She couldn't be that weak. _It'll pass_ , she had repeated herself, _you'll get over him_. But as much as she tried, she still couldn't. They had been together for almost half their lives, and even though at first it was a different feeling, she got used to him being always around. She missed his body and his touch. She also missed their talks in the middle of the night, his banter, the way he always managed to make her smile whatever happened. _Dana, get it together. You can't get sucked in._

"I guess I could agree to that," he answered after a while, and she realized he was not really happy about it. Did he want all of her back? Was he disgusted about her being there? He was sending her so many mixed signals that she couldn't be sure.

At that moment, the cat got up, and placing her front paws at his chest, she rubbed her forefront against Mulder’s stubble. Scully couldn't help but get slightly jealous. Was the cat marking her territory? Was she telling Scully that this man was hers? Jumping out of his lap, the red fluffy bunch moved towards the plates with food and water, and started eating.

"That's a fair point, Kitty Katie. It's almost supper time. Maybe our guest would want to stay for dinner?" Mulder didn't move his chair, but he sounded truly inviting.

"I don't think it's a good idea. It'll be getting dark soon. I actually should be going…" Scully found a thousand excuses not to stay, even though it was what she really wanted. It was too soon.

"You could stay the night and leave in the morning. You still have clothes here… I’ll take the couch, if you are worried about that." She sensed he added that last statement when she went completely rigid. She didn't trust herself around him. She had kept her distance for more than one reason.

"I don't want to be a bother," she stated. Her mind told her to get up and start leaving. Her body told her to stay.In that quandary, she stood still.

"You are not, this is still you hom… house," he corrected himself and she thought it was the chance she had been waiting for to talk about serious things, to start the conversation that she had gone there for. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Maybe on her next visit. This had been enough for a first approach. Scully felt the need to flee right there and then. His words were gnawing at her and she feared she was going to do something she would regret later. 

"I gotta go. I'll be back, soon."

The statement was quick and she moved away from him similarly fast. At her back, she could sense he had gotten up to finally make some contact,but she couldn't allow it.

"Have a nice drive back," she heard him call as she reached the bottom ofthe stairs.

The silence of the road was unbearable,so she turned on the radio, something she didn't usually do. Every radio station reminded her of their work drives, all the amicable fighting they had done over the years to control the soundtrack in the car. Each and every song could easily be classified as _his music_ or _her music_ or something neither of them enjoyed listening to. Scully switched channels until a folk song came up. That seemed to please her and she stopped fidgeting, focusing on the driving as she finally reached the freeway.

 

> _Weep for yourself, my man,_  
>  You'll never be what is in your heart  
>  _Weep little lion man,_  
>  _You're not as brave as you were at the start_

 

-.-.-.-.-

 

Making the most of him already being up, Mulder headed inside to prepare dinner. He grabbed a stool and placed it at the door, so that Kitty Katie could come in when she was finished eating her food. Usually she stayed for a while with him on the sofa before heading out into the night to take care of her feline business. A thousand times he had thought about installing a catflap, and a thousand times he had decided he wouldn't. What if he did and Kitty Katie didn't come back? It would always be a mournful reminder of yet another lady leaving him behind. It was ok like this, he'd enjoy her for as long as she wanted him, no pressure added.

Scully's unannounced visit had stirred a lot of feelings inside him, and he couldn't stand the silence in the house, so he turned on his new favourite radio station. Indie folk was now the only music genre that he could stand, being something new that didn't remind him of her.

 

> _Rate yourself and rake yourself,_  
>  _Take all the courage you have left_  
>  _Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head_  
>  _But it was not your fault but mine_  
>  _And it was your heart on the line_  
>  _I really fucked it up this time_  
>  _Didn't I, my dear?_

A while back he had learned to disregard the lyrics of songs, because somehow it seemed that each and every song was telling him how stupid he had been, what a mess he had made, and how he had inevitably lost the love of his life. Of course this song was no different, so he just turned down the volume and left the song playing in the background.

The choice of menu for the night was either canned soup or a sandwich. Not wanting to have to clean much later, he grabbed two slices of bread and filled them with some cheese and ham before he settled on the couch. Just in time, Kitty Katie walked in and again saton his lap.

"So, our usual _Plan 9 From Outer Space_? Or shall I try something new?" Mulder asked her while he grabbed a bite from his sandwich.

As if understanding his question, the cat looked up, meowed somewhat annoyed and kept staring at him until he turned on the TV.

"OK, let's channel-surf until we find something you like," he finally started hitting the buttons on the remote control, hoping to find some light-hearted movie.

A gust of wind made the front door open slightly and then it hit the stool on its way to close back. Mulder was about to get up to close the door but he let it be. He’d leave his door open, he’d always leave it like that. His door would forever be open for his two favourite redheads.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could say the sadness ends here... But I'm afraid next chapter will deal with Mulder starting to get over his "depression", so there's one more chapter of the angsty part. But!! I think by chp10 we'll start getting them back together, yay!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> All comments welcome :D
> 
> You can find a playlist with all the title songs in here: https://open.spotify.com/user/2shailah/playlist/5G7MNUaibnJhQKmu9LtdNf


End file.
